NERV Bets On Death Battle
by DSX62415
Summary: Shinji, Toji and Kensuke come across a set of boxes not only containing a popular internet show, but also incriminating evidence against NERV and SELEE. How do they respond to this: scamming their so called "co-workers" to the point of NERV's downfall, that's how! Rated M right from the get go (I ain't waiting for Justin Beiber VS Rabecca Black) Thanks to Yoshi3000 for helping out
1. Chapter 1

**NERV Bets On Death Battle**

 **(Warning: All intellectual properties belong to their respective owners (Evangelion to Gainax, Death Battle to Screwattack, you get the idea). Properties will vary be episode. Please don't sue me. Special thanks to Yoshi3000 for letting me use the concept of Reality Warpers, go check out his stuff when you have the chance.)**

 **Chapter 0: Getting the Boxes and Making the Plan**

At the multi-dimensional transit system development center. Bzzzzzt!

We see a group of scientists and level 6-8 Reality Warpers working on a large machine.

Scientist #1: Are you sure that this is going to work this time? We've been working on this for months now and we haven't been able to properly test it.

Scientist#2: Trust me, it will work. By the time we're done here, we'll not only be able to move parcels, but people across all walks of life in the multiverse. Now, all I need is the test subject, and the test location. Bring out the test subject.

Two other scientist Warpers hauled in a series of boxes labeled "DB Test" into the room, setting them beside the machine.

Scientist#3: Here it is. I hope you know what you're doing with this.

Scientist #2: I know exactly what I'm doing: ushering in the new age of dimensional transit using this machine. Everyone, to your stations.

All 5 scientists in the room approached different control stations as the giant machine roars to life.

Scientist #5: Systems online.

Scientist #4: Coordinates locked on.

Scientist #3: Dimensional link established and going stable.

Scientist #2: All systems are go.

Scientist #1: Preparing to engage transit in 3...2...1...

Scientist #2: Deliver the package!

All of the boxes went through the portal created from the machine before the portal disappears, leaving all of the men and women of science to hope for positive results until one of the consoles hooked up to the machine revealed that...

Scientist #3: The package has appeared in the target universe, right were we wanted them to! This test is a pass!

All of the Warpers celebrated the fact that their hard work was showing signs of paying off as we cut tooooooo...

At Kensuke Aida's military themed hideout in the "Evangelion" universe. Incoming!

We see that the trio of Shinji Ikari, Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida are sitting inside of a tent as boredom began to set in.

Toji Suzuhara: Uuuugh! What a way to waste a Sunday, I'm dying of boredom over here!

Kensuke Aida: Come on, guys. I know just what we can do.

Shinji Ikari: It doesn't have to do with using that mortar launcher you found digging around a couple weeks ago, does it?

Kensuke: OK, OK, no mortars. There's gotta be something we can do before we have to go back into town tonight.

As if responding to Kensuke's claim, a huge energy ball formed near the tent, causing the three boys to jump in shock.

Shinji: What the hell is that?!

Toji: I don't know, man. I bet it's the starting signs of an alien invasion.

Shinji: _Great, because dealing with the angels wasn't hard enough. (In case you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm.)_

Kensuke: You guys wait here, I'm gonna check it out.

Toji: Don't do it, bro.

Kensuke: If I don't come back in 5 minutes, then it's been a pleasure to know you all.

Shinji: Just be careful, we don't know what we're dealing with yet.

Kensuke grabbed a nearby rifle and slowly made his way to the energy ball's point of origin. It was about 3 minutes before he called out to the others.

Kensuke: Hey guys, I think I found what was causing all the commotion!

Both Shinji and Toji came out of the tent with whatever weapons they could find before joining their friend, only to be surprised by a set of boxes in the center of some slightly burnt dirt.

Toji: That's it?! A bunch of boxes?! Aw man, I was hoping for aliens to fight!

Shinji: "DB Test"? I wonder what's in these boxes.

Kensuke: Let's take 'em inside the tent and see.

Toji: Dude, you can't be serious. What if those boxes got some sort of space radiation or something?

Kensuke: And what if it's the key to actually going into space? Then you could fight all the space monsters you want.

Toji: Well if we can't decide, I say we let Shinji do it.

Kensuke: Well Shinji, whatdya say?

Shinji: Hmmm...we might as well see what it is we're dealing with. Come on, let's haul these boxes into the tent.

It only took less than a minute for the boys to haul the boxes in before they gathered around them with a sense of curiosity.

Shinji: Alright, let's see what we're dealing with here.

Toji: Careful man, it could be some sort of space trap.

Kensuke: Well we got plenty of firepower to deal with it if it is. Open the boxes, Shinji bro.

Shinji slowly and carefully opened the first box to reveal its contents.

Shinji: It looks like a bunch of...DVDs.

Toji: I'm gonna say it: evil killer space porn.

Kensuke: Better yet, let's put one of them in my portable DVD player before we assume it's aliens getting busy.

Shinji: Hold on, just let me sift through these.

The pilot of EVA Unit-01 sifted through the various cases before stumbling upon one that read "Play me first!". He then proceeded to put the disc into Kensuke's portable DVD player.

Toji: I can't believe I'm saying this, but come on, space porn! Let's see some aliens getting freaky!

Shinji: I doubt it's space porn. Aliens probably have way better formats than DVD to put their perverted adult films on.

The screen of the DVD player revealed a human male in a white lab coat with near black dark brown hair and hazel eyes under a pair of oval glasses.

Scientist #2: If you boys got this package, then congratulations! You boys are among the first group of test subjects for the new Multiversal/ Multi-Dimensional Transit System, a device designed to be used by non Reality Warpers to not only visit alternate universes but be able to send packages and other items across them! Now before we get to what's inside those boxes you found, I'd like to have a word with you three.

Shinji: How does he know that there are three of us watching this?

Toji: Lucky guess?

Kensuke: "Reality Warpers"?

Scientist #2: Shinji Ikari, Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida...

Kensuke: It knows our names!

Toji: This is all kinds of trippy, man.

Shinji: How did this guy know that we would be the ones to find the boxes?

Scientist #2: I'm sure you boys have some questions upon finding these boxes, but don't worry, I pre-recorded this message just for you three to give you at least some semblance of an explanation of what's going on right now. You see, only Reality Warpers level 4 or higher have the ability to travel between universes. What is a "Reality Warper" you may ask? You might say that we're a group of very powerful individuals that have the ability to even slightly alter the continuity of other universes and the worst that would happen would be the creation of an alternate timeline containing the changed events, just as long as we don't mess with the core or "Prime" timeline. To run the basics of what some of the levels of Warpers can do: Level 3 warpers are basically what you are now: beings within a fictional work that have no idea that they're fictonal. Level 4 warpers, which you are now because of my little spoiler alert back with level 3 are aware of their reality and can break something known as "the Fourth Wall". Level 5 warpers can not only break the Fourth Wall, but also warp space and time inside of their universe. Level 6 warpers are the most common group that can freely travel across the dimensional pathways as they please. Level 7 warpers don't have any powers, but they can create any amount of realities for other warpers through the use of media formats like FanFictions and fan art. Levels 8 and 9 are pretty much more powerful versions of what Level 7 Warpers can do, but when a warper is classified as Level 10, they are the cream of the crop. Their level of awareness allows them to flawlessly travel across the multiverse without having to worry about anything. And before you ask, no. I can not make you guys warpers beyond level four because it would go against warper law.

Toji: Wait, does that mean...

Shinji (close up Randy Marsh style): Oh my god. We're just pictures. We're not even **three** dimensional, everything I know is now a lie.

Kensuke: Aw, man! If being a reality warper means what I think it means, I want to totally be one so I could be like Deadpool.

Meanwhile, in Marvel Comic's version of New York!

We see who else but he merc with the mouth himself: Wade "Deadpool" Wilson scratching himself while eating a chimichanga when...

Deadpool: (Sneeze) What the hell, someone talking about how awesome I am?

Back to the tent!

Scientist #2: I may not be able to make you guys warpers, but I can give you something that I think you can all enjoy. How would you boys like to get even with the evil organization known to you as NERV?

Kensuke: How is NERV evil? You two worked with them to save the world from the angels.

Scientist #2: Don't believe me, look in the box labeled "DB Test Plus Incriminating NERV Evidence", then try and call me a liar.

Our three young leads found the box they were told to find and looked inside at its contents: unedited documents and video evidence regarding the true nature of NERV, the Evangelions and the Human Instrumentality Project. After looking through most of it, needless to say that all three of them were pretty pissed off. Pissed off being an understatement.

Toji: Those bastards! Can you believe they just used us like that, Shinji?!

Kensuke: EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE! I don't believe it! Shinji, tell me this has to be some sort of cruel, unusual joke! Shinji? Shinji?

Shinji just sat there in silence, mulling over everything that NERV has done to not only him, but his friends and all of the innocent people that have been swept up in the angel attacks.

Toji: Come on, man. You're really freaking us out. Say something. Anything.

Shinji (with anger slowly but surely rising while his eye color shifted from his normal blue to Third Impact causing blood red): I...am...going...to...KILL...THAT... **OLD...RAT BASTARD!** Alright, crazy DVD guy, tell us how to get even with these motherfuckers!

Scientist #2: I know that all of this info must be a shock to you all, considering that this organization is pretty much responsible for every bad thing that has gone wrong in your lives, but you can't go and murder them. It would only be doing more harm than good at this state. So here's what you do: inside of these boxes are episodes of one of the best web shows ever created: "Death Battle". Where two characters, sometimes more from all walks of fiction fight it out in an all out, no holds barred fight to the finish where the last fighter left alive is the winner. Think of it as a geek version whatever your guys' version of "Celebrity Deathmatch", if you guys have something like that. What you do with those is watch all of the episodes, except for maybe episode 14 due to it being kind of an April Fools joke episode, and with your knowledge of who wins, show them to most of the NERV employees where no one can catch you and set up a betting ring where you can rig the bets to the point of scamming every one of those little rats save for the few good ones of your choosing for everything they're worth, ultimately ending with you three scamming Shinji's father to the point where he can no longer keep up with his plans and it all collapses under him. I wish the three of you the best of luck, make those bastards pay. Oh, and one more thing: hide these DVDs and the evidence somewhere only you guys can get to it so they can't screw the plan up. And if any Time Patrolers come around snooping around, you never met me, got it? Good. Good luck, gentlemen.

The video ended as Kensuke took the disc out of the player.

Kensuke: Are we really gonna do this? I mean, I saw as much of the evidence as you guys, and I can't believe that Shinji's own old man would do all that and throw you guys under the bus like that.

Shinji: Of course we are! These bastards need to pay for everything they made us do, all of the destruction they made us cause, all of the innocent people they made us hurt. Once we scam all of them out of every yen, we leak the evidence to the media, then everyone will turn against NERV all over the world. Toji, do you think that they gave Sakura all that expensive medical care after they made me fight the third angel just because they were sorry about what happened?

Toji: Not anymore I don't. These assholes need to go down, hard. Especially after they used **our** loved ones to fuel those bio mechanical crimes against humanity.

Shinji: Glad you agree with me. What about you, Kensuke? You in or out? If you don't want to join in on this, we wouldn't blame you.

Kensuke: No, the world needs to know what atrocities that NERVs been committing. I can't believe I'm saying this, but what they've done so far is worse than what Hitler, Pol Pot, Sadam and the dictators that rose to power after Second Impact have done combined. We gotta put an end to this.

Shinji: And we will, but only if we follow the plan that was explained to us through this DVD.

Toji: Hey, there's a piece of paper in the case of it.

Shinji: Really, let's see what it is.

Shinji then took the sheet of paper out of the case and unfolded it.

Shinji: It looks like the rules for that "Death Battle" show.

Kensuke: Well, don't be a stranger. Read 'em to us, man so we know what we're getting ourselves into.

Shinji: Alright. Rule #1: All combatants may only know of each other if they do in both canon universes. Rule #2: Fighters cannot know each other's movesets.

Rule #3: Even if fighters know each other in canon works, there will be no prep time given for the fight. Rule #4: Characters may be allowed to know of each other's names or their internet rivalry, but are not allowed to know of each other's physical traits. Rule #5: Combatants will poses no non-canon knowledge of each other. Rule #6: To ensure a fair fight, any character personality traits that prevent them from killing others will be ignored, but all other traits and tactics are left alone and largely to be represented faithfully. Rule #7: All research sources prerequisites are generally determined equally unless specified. Rule #8: Fighters are not allowed ANY outside help. Rule #9: To prevent fighters from exploiting weaknesses in order to gain a cheap victory, a character's weaknesses can only come into play if the opponent can find a way to detect them (examples include the likes of x-ray vision), or if there is a specific reason why said weaknesses cannot be exploited in any way. Rule #10: If a combatant survives a match long enough, they may discover a way to counter the fighting style of their opponent. Rule #11: All battles must end with the loser dying, or at least "dead" as far as physical forms are concerned (examples include being reduced to a ghost or gods and similar characters left with no working mortal avatar to continue fighting with). Rule #12: Pacifist warriors will not have their peaceful nature interrupt the fight, as previously mentioned, personality traits that prevent the fighter from taking a life will be removed (if their traditional arsenal uses nonlethal weapons, they can't change it and can only use lethal weaponry if they have them as part of their regular arsenal). Rule #13: All other traits will be represented with accuracy based off of the warrior's canon universes (expanded universes are only allowed to be mentioned if they don't conflict with the original canon). Rule #14: All consistent and canon sources available during the of an episode's release will be examined by the show's hosts (characters with multiple incarnations akin to your Marvel and DC superheroes and Godzilla will be composites combining the best aspects of all of their incarnations unless an incarnation is drastically different from others. If a specific incarnation of a character is chosen, the canon used will most likely be the most popular depiction). Rule #15: All research will avoid biases. If one warrior is allowed abilities from a non-canon source, the other warrior must be allowed to own non-canon sources as well. Also, if a certain depiction of the warrior is ridiculously overpowered,inconsistent, or bears powers that would be too difficult to examine logically, it won't be used. Be aware that not every weapon owned by the warriors in every canon will be used, and instead only the ones they commonly use or are their best or most iconic weapons (such as two opponents being equipped with their best armor, magic and weapons only if they have too many to show at once). If a warrior originates from foreign media, the American dub will not be used if it contradict the original source in any way. If a piece of media claims to be canon but clearly isn't, it will be avoided (alternate forms of media might also be avoided for the same reason). Because warriors are examined by their latest depictions, they cannot use any abilities they have lost in their past. Rule #16: Claims made by fans will only be considered canon if the official franchise or a character from an official source recognizes it (such as Chuck Norris and his book of 101 favorite facts and stories).

Toji: Hold up, Chuck Norris is one of the fighters in this show?

Shinji: I guess so, but we'll have to watch all of the episodes just to make sure. Now, where was I?

Kensuke: Rule #17.

Shinji: Right. Rule #17: To get as many common abilities as possible, the warior will be shown at their latest depictions or their oldest age as an active warrior (future canon will be avoided if it unbalances the fight). Rule #18: In the event of a 2D battle, a character's depiction in the fight will only be limited by what sprites are available for them (if need be, a sprite artist is on staff to make any sprites needed for a fight). Rule #19: Summoning of other combatants is not allowed unless the battle calls for it (such as two commanders fighting with their armies). Unless the battle asks multiple characters for each side, the combatants must fight alone, even if they are used to fighting alongside a partner ( such as summons not being allowed to have their summoner command it in the fight). There are few exceptions to this rule, such as if the fighter uses a creature for an attack that can reasonably be replaced by a non-combatant projectile, or when the act would fall under using the environment to their advantage. Fighters cannot be dependent on these creatures and in the case of a summon being used for an attack, the creatures cannot act on their own. Fake clones are also an exception, but they may not fight alongside the original simultaneously, as it would mean that the opponent would be outnumbered. Rule #20 (gasp): The terrain used in the fight will either be a terrain from the fighters' franchises or a location that both warriors are experienced working in (the area itself however doesn't matter, nor does it play any role in determining the outcome of the battle). Rule #21: The entire battle itself is just a visual representation of the researcher's conclusions (the environment only becomes important if a skills use it). Rule #22: The fight at the end of each episode is not what determines the victor, it is nothing more than a fun little dramatization showcasing most if not all of the research displayed beforehand of the combatants in action. The winners are determined before the battle through quasi-scientific analysis of their abilities, and the character with the objectively better abilities wins. (sigh) Oh, god, that's a crap ton of rules for a show where people fight to the death!

Toji: "quasi-scientific" what?

Kensuke: I think it basically means they do a shit ton of research and whoever has the better skills over the other wins while we get a cool fight sequence to show off the findings.

Toji: And yet, they couldn't just say it like that.

Kensuke: Hey, at least we got something to do now.

Shinji: Yeah, but how are we gonna watch them all in one day? We have to be back in town by tonight so we aren't late for school tomorrow.

Toji: Hey, isn't summer vacation coming up? We could use that to get the plan together, watch all of the episodes, and set up a betting ring to pull it all off.

Shinji: Not a bad idea. There's just one little detail, though: where are we going to hide the stuff so no one can find it?

Kensuke: What if we hid it here? You guys are the only ones other than me who know how to find this place, so keeping this stuff hidden should be a snap if we hide it here.

Shinji: Well I guess that settles things then. Let's hold out on watching these until summer break so we can do it all in one fell swoop, then we can iron out the rest of the plan before we put in into action.

Toji: Sounds like a freaking plan to me.

Kensuke: Oh, yeah, let's do this! Hey, there's some more stuff on the rule sheet.

Shinji: Really? "P.S.: you'll be getting a new episode every three weeks during each season's run, so be on the look out for those when you check wherever you hide all of the stuff." Oh, that's kinda cool.

The rest of the week went without many delays or problems as summer vacation arrived. Shinji and Toji made up an excuse that they were gonna spend their vacation camping out with Kensuke at a nearby park so they can still be near NERV when on call, which Misato bought while she was slightly buzzed and Asuka pretty much thought they were just gonna be morons all through vacation, something she wanted no part of at all. The next two weeks were spent plotting out every detail of their plan while they would watch every episode in the boxes. They were wowed by battles like Goomba VS Koopa and Garra VS Toph, Taken in by the sheer manliness of fights like Guts VS Nightmare, Master Chief VS Doomguy, Spawn VS Kratos and Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro, and laughed their asses off with fights like Deadpool VS Deathstroke, Starscream VS Rainbow Dash and Justin Beiber VS Rebecca Black. When all of the episodes at the time were done, they had all of the details in place. All that was left was to spread the word all across NERV. How, with a simple invitation of course.

"This Friday, meet us in the closed off section of floor -4 of NERV headquarters to partake in something that will change your life forever. Present this invitation in order to get in. Bringing as much money as you can is recommended. Tell no one about this."

The plan was in place, the wheels were in motion, the time to begin scamming the people of NERV was about to begin.

 **(Author's Note: Again, special shout out to Yoshi3000 for letting me use the concept of Reality Warpers, if you want to know more about their inner workings, then you better check out his works. Before you ask, all three current seasons were included in those boxes, from the original Boba Fett VS Samus Aran to Deadpool VS Pinkie Pie, and they will be watching each new episode of season 4 offscreen when they get them. Again, thank you for reading, don't forget to favorite, follow, review unless you're a member of Critics United (I know what you've been doing to other writers by going against your word, and I will not stand for it), check out mine and Yoshi3000's other works and as always, DSX62415, out.)**


	2. Important please read!

**NERV Bets On Death Battle**

 **Important Message Regarding the Future Of This Story**

I know that you were all expecting the next chapter of this to be the first fight between Samus and Boba, but this is just a tad more important. This chapter is going to regard the future of this story, and I need all of you to listen to me before you start spamming the review section and my private message inbox with hate mail. Now, as most of you may or may not know, this site did at one point allow reaction stories to be published, but by 2005 decided to no longer allow it due to the feeling that said writers weren't writing to their full potential. While I do say that most of us have had plenty of time to improve and create great ones, I can technically see why they would want to change their mind at the time. And as much as I would love to make people like Critics United froth out the mouth with rage, I would rather save that as a last resort. I have been called many things across my lifetime: a friend, stubborn, a douchebag, but I am also a man of reason who prefers finding a peaceful solution before resorting to all out war. Which brings us to the whole reason of this chapter: the fact that I am willing to "negotiate" for a solution that will hopefully benefit all parties. So here's the deal: If someone is willing to send me an invitation key, I will start up an Archive Of Our Own account that will be the exclusive home of not only this story, but other reaction and truth or dare related stories that I have planned, but there is one condition I have that is to be followed **to the letter.**

 **1: Since Archive Of Our Own is a site that allows the kinds of stories that this site does not to be posted, the group known as Critics United and all of their associates are to BACK OFF from writers on that site, FOR GOOD! I am willing to take my story somewhere it's allowed, the least you people can do is not go against your word and attack people there (I know what you did to Israel Pena, and I am NOT AMUSED!) And as an added measure to make sure that this doesn't happen to anyone else, I am going to issue a warning to go with it: if Critics United goes after my story on Archive Of Our Own even ONCE, I will band together as many writers that are willing to go with me as I can and bring forth the greatest writer's strike since 2007 and the Writer's Guild Of America!**

The first chapter will stay on the site until I can copy it onto A03, then all future episodes will be exclusive to there.

Thank you for listening.


	3. True Chapter 1

**NERV Bets On Death Battle**

 **Important Message Regarding the Future Of This Story**

 **True Chapter 1: First Blood: Boba Fett VS Samus Aran (Round 1)**

 **(Warning: All properties belong to their respective copyright owners. EVA to Gainax, Death Battle to Screwattack, Metroid to Nintendo, Star Wars to Disney, you get the idea.)**

 **(Author's Note #1: I know that I said that I was willing to dual upload to both here and AO3 (I'll request an invite key myself, but that could take a while), but that doesn't mean that I won't make some concessions on my regard. Sure, I may write character dialog different than what I did in the prologue, and sure, some lines from the episode might be altered a bit to fit my personal preference, but it's still the same story in the end of it all. That being said, let's get on to the first REAL chapter of NERV Bets on Death Battle!)**

Our chapter kicks off with now level four Reality Warpers Shinji Ikari, Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida prepping the area of floor -4 of NERV headquarters they set aside for the first night of their revenge plan to take place. Toji was setting up the chairs in the traditional movie theater style while Kensuke was setting up a snack table complete with popcorn maker, multiple coolers full of various drinks, and even a cotton candy machine. And where was Shinji in all of the rucuss you may ask? He was carrying a box full of papers that were meant to aid the boys with their plan in the long run. Seeing the young Ikari with the box made him inquire about the plan.

"Are those the "special documents" you went to get in order to keep things under wraps?

This left the third child to reply "Yep. Cost me half of my NERV paycheck, but it'll be worth it when we'll be able to do what we want with these suckers and they won't be able to go to anyone about it."

Not really realizing how sheets of paper were gonna help them, Toji decided to ask about it.

"I still don't get it. How is a sheet of paper gonna make it so the people we're trying to scam can't squeal to the higher ups and screw with the whole plan?"

Replied the third child, "Easy: These papers are non-disclosure agreements. We make everyone who comes in for the first time sign these, and it will pretty much guarantee that if they rat us out, we'll be taking every employee involved in the plan with us. thus making NERV severely understaffed for an extended period of time, causing it to crumple under its own weight due to lack of people being able to keep up the work load. Either way, we still leak the information, NERV and SELEE fall, and we either die honorable deaths as heroes, or walk away from it all and hide out somewhere no one knows who we really are. I'm thinking either New New York or New Hollywood since they'll probably want to make a movie about our lives and struggles within NERV, or something like that."

Kensuke threw his two cents in by replying "Kinda makes sense. So, who did you guys give invites to? I got the bridge bunnies."

Toji answered "I got the good doctor Akagi, Strausberg and that Mana girl."

Shinji responded by saying "And I managed to get them out to Misato, Asuka and Mari."

Kensuke went from the finished and prepped snack table to configuring a projector attached to a DVD player before saying "Now we just hope they actually show up tonight."

Toji sat down in on of the chairs in the front row before replying "Pretty sure that everyone we gave invites to is either gonna not have anything to do tonight, or just show up out of pure curiosity, man."

Shinji responded to this matter by saying "We can worry about it later. Right now, let's just finish setting up for tonight."

A few hours pass and everything was all set up for the plan to begin. While they waited for their suckerrrrrrrrrrsGUESTS! Yeah, I meant guests to arrive, the boys got to talking about their newfound awareness of the fact they were nothing more than the thought of someone else from Earth Prime put to ink and paper. Surprisingly enough, it was Kensuke that started the whole conversation,and not someone you would expect like Shinji.

"Hey guys, ever since we've learned about us being nothing more than fictional anime characters, have you guys kinda felt you know, not like you used to?"

Toji responded by asking "Whadya' mean by that?"

Kensuke continued his observation by saying "You know, like your existence isn't all that special anymore, knowing that you're nothing more than a thought from some guy's head put down on a piece of paper and then animated to do whatever the hell they want you to do for their own amusement?"

Surprisingly, Toji responds to Kensuke's statement, and is surprisingly deep about it.

"Yeah, kinda. I mean, it just kinda sucks ass, you know? One day you think your world is the only one out there and there's nothing you can do about it, then the next, some scientist dude on a DVD you think is evil space porn instead of a kick ass show from another universe tells you that your world isn't even real. Just some creation of some dude or dudette sitting at a desk with a pencil in one hand and a sheet of paper being held down by the other. It's really kind of a huge downer, you know?"

Shinji knew what his friends were talking about as well, even flashing back to the day that they became registered warpers. It was the Wednesday before summer break, the boys were on the roof of the school during their break period, talking about the events that happened the Sunday prior while eating their lunches when out of a sudden, a portal opens behind them. From out of the portal steps an Hispanic male in his 20's with dark brown corporate cut hair and silver eyes wearing a black suit with a pair of brown dress shoes. The boys look in shock before he opens his mouth to speak.

"Hello there, boys. I'm looking for a Shinji Ikari, Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida, you wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you?"

Shinji steps forward to face the mystery man before responding "Yes, we're the guys you're looking for? And what, pray tell, is the reason for all this?"

The Hispanic male responded by saying "My name is Tulio Rodriguez, I'm with the Order of Reality: the governing party that rules over all Reality Warpers. It has come to the attention of the order that you three have now become level four warpers, which is why I am here."

Kensuke asked out of caution "Why do the order want with us? It isn't like we went to Earth Prime or something?"

Tulio eased the worry of Kensuke by answering "Relax, you boys aren't in any trouble. I'm just here to register you boys as official warpers. Now, if you boys could just sign these papers in the designated areas, it'll be quick and easy."

Tulio hands the boys each their own sets of special papers on clipboards before handing them all pens. It only took a few minutes for everything to be straightened out as the boys handed Tulio back the completely filled out paperwork (I know this is kind of a boring part, but it picks up later on, trust me.) The order representative looked through everything before finally addressing the boys directly.

"Alright, this stuff pretty much checks out. Here are your official warper IDs, they will change every time you increase in level, and you will be receiving an official "welcome to being a Reality Warper" gift basket within the next few days. Nothing too special, just some soaps and candies from across the multiverse, an official rule book containing warper law, new phones that have access to dimensional phone numbers that, your official warper check book connected to you dimensional bank accounts and the first two seasons of "Anime Confessions", one of our most popular shows. That being said gentlemen, I bid you adieu."

Tulio returns to back from whence he came through the portal as the flashback ends, returning to our three "heroes" in the situation they are in now. Shinji knew that after the week they've had, he needed to lift their spirits. Which gave him the idea to speak up on his own thoughts about the matter at hand.

"I know it seems pretty sucky right now, but thanks to the information given to us through that Reality Warper guy, we're truly aware of our universe now. We have a chance to truly change our world, or at least this timeline for the better, which is why we need to use our new awareness to ensure a brighter future not just for us, but for all of the people who have been affected by NERV and SELEE's wrong doings. Because if we don't, than who will?

Toji and Kensuke had to stew over Shinji's words for a few minutes before Toji decided to speak up.

"You ain't wrong, you know."

Kensuke threw his two cents into the fray by responding "You're totally right. Thanks for helping us get out of our funks, if only for a little bit.

The third child gladly replied "Hey, isn't that what friends are for? Alright, people will probably start arriving soon, let's get to our stations."

Toji and Kensuke both replied "Right."

9 P.M. finally came as we see that bridge bunnies Shigiru Aoba, Makoto Hyuga, and Maya Ibuki reach the door to the room Shinji and the others had set up. Hyuga was being his usual pessimistic self by asking "Why the hell are we even here again?"

The kind and more bubbly Maya responded by saying "Because Shinji and Toji were willing enough to invite us to this...whatever it is they're doing, the least we can do is show up if only for a few minutes."

Well, it seemed that the more nerdy, Misato loving Aoba was leaning towards Hyuga's point of things as he let out a question.

"Is it just me, or does something kinda smell fishy about all this?"

Hyuga replied to this by saying "It's probably you."

Toji opened a slit in the door after Maya knocked three times before doing his part of the night's plan by saying "Invites please."

Our three bridge bunnies show their invites to Toji before he closes the slit and opens the door all the way before saying "Alright, go ahead in."

The three enter the room, but not without Aoba having a few misgivings about the way they got in.

"OK, speak easy style way of entry, the fact that we needed our invites on us just to get in, something's clearly up here."

Shinji was quick to shoot down Aoba's accusations by saying to him "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Now, if you guys could just sign these papers saying that you showed up and are ready to have a good time, we can get things really moving."

The third child then proceeds to pass each of the NERV employees a copy of the non-disclosure agreement in disguise along with a pen to sign it. Needless to say, Hyuga was quick to catch Aoba's sense of a scam coming as he said "Really? You guys are gonna make us sign something that says we're ready to have fun? I don't buy it."

Maya was quick to stop things from getting out of hand before stepping on Hyuga's foot and saying "You guys promised." through her teeth.

Not wanting to be given the business by a girl, Hyuga relented.

"Okay, okay, I'll sign. Give me that pen."

He quickly signed his agreement as Maya and finally Aoba followed suit before handing their papers back to the Ikari boy as he said "Perfect. Why don't you guys help yourselves to some snacks, and we'll get things started once we got enough people here."

Our first three "guests" made their way to the snack tables and grabbed themselves some stuff to eat and drink before taking their seats as we cut to Mari Illustrious Makinami and Shinji's "legal guardian" Misato Katsuragi making their way to the door with invites in tow. Shinji was quick to intercept them upon their entrance as he said "Right this way, ladies. Just sign on the dotted line saying you're ready to have some fun, and we can get started."

Being as promiscuous as she was, Mari replied by saying "Oh, "Puppy Boy", you don't have to make me sign anything for me to have a good time."

The third child was quick to respond by saying "I assure you, it's just a practicality."

Misato, being as foolish (and possibly drunk) as ever was the saving grace of this conversation by saying "Might as well sign, it looks like the boys really put some hard work into getting this place all set up."

Mari was quick to catch on to the idea and replied "Whatever you say, big momma."

Misato and Mari both sign their agreements and make their way to the snack table that much to Misato's surprise contained a cooler full of her favorite beer. Concerned with how three teenage boys got a hold of any form of alcohol, Misato was left to inquire about it.

"Uh, quick question: how the hell did you three manage to get a hold of beer, let alone my favorite brand?"

Shinji knew he had to come clean about the matter, so he answered Misato's question by saying "Okay, okay, you got us. I may have lifted some from your stash from the apartment and set 'em in the cooler, just for you."

Misato was actually humbled by the fact that the boys would do something like this for her and said "You know, that's actually sweet enough of a gesture that I'm gonna let it slide. Just don't swipe any for yourselves. Last thing I need is reports of you three on a drunken rampage across town."

Shinji, Kensuke and Toji all said "We promise, Misato."

"Good." Replied the violet haired guardian.

Musashi Lee Strausberg, Mana Kirishima, and the "good doctor" Ritusko Akagi arrived shortly afterwards, much to the surprise of our little Maya (because you know, her having a crush on her.)

"D-Dr. Akagi, what are you doing here?" Timidly asked the female bridge bunny, which left the doctor to reply "Well, even major staff members need a break once in a while, and by the looks of things, the boys really put a lot of hard work into making this place presentable for...whatever it is they plan on doing here."

Maya tried to figure out what the boys were doing by guessing "Do you think that they want to show us something they made?"

Shinji was quick to reply by saying "Oh, well you could possibly say that. But once we have all of the guests here, you'll get to see for yourself."

A few moments pass as we see that the queen of German prisses: Asuka Langely Sohryu was the last to arrive, and already, she could somewhat sense that our "heroes" were trying to pull something on all of them. She immediately approached Shinji upon entry and straight up asked him, without beating around the bush in any way, shape or form "Alright, just what are you idiots up to this time?"

Shinji was quick to respond in a calm fashion by saying "I can assure you that I have no idea what you're talking about."

Needless to say, the second child wasn't buying any of it for a minute as she continued to dig deeper by saying "Oh come on, the invites, the speak easy style entrance, having people sign papers saying that they're "gonna have a good time", this sounds like a huge scam and you know it."

Shinji responds in a style similar to the one Rigby did when Mordecai called him out on his scam during that one episode of Regular Show where Rigby accidentally hires an identity thief to do his work for him (you know the episode I'm talking about) "Well, if wanting to give the employees of this organization a fun evening with food, drinks and entertainment sounds like a scam, then this is a huuuuuuuuuge scam."

Asuka decided it just wasn't worth it anymore by replying "Oh, forget it. Like you idiots could come up with a long con that would work on any of us anyway. If it were me, you would have been conned out of everything you own by now, including the shirt off your back."

Shinji just calmly replied with a fake smile on his face "I bet you would."

Asuka signed her agreement and walked off to the snack table as Shinji's fake smile shifted into a disgruntled frown before saying "Yeah, believe what you want to believe, 'ya dumb bitch." through his teeth.

Toji managed to pull the son of the "Bastard King" out of his little mental tirade by telling him "I think we got everyone we sent invites to here."

The third quickly snapped out of it and said "Great, let's have everyone in their seats so we can get the episode started. I'll go up there and get things moving."

Shinji quickly got up in front of the screen before addressing the crowd.

"Attention, attention, can I have your attention please?

Everyone stopped what they were doing to pay attention to what Shinji had to say as he continued with his monologue saying "Alright. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for coming out tonight for some fun, give yourselves a round of applause."

Mari, Maya and begrudgingly Hyuga clapped for a short moment before Shinji continued on saying "Second of all the boys and I brought you guys out here tonight so you could all experience a little something that some guys we got to know and befriend who would prefer to remain anonymous for the time being have been working on for some time now. And they would like it if you would watch what they've made. That being said, let's do this. Roll it."

Kensuke puts the disc in the DVD player as he turns on the video projector attached to it as the first stage of their plan was about to truly begin.

 _(Music: "Invader" by Jim Johnston, AKA: the guy who makes some of your favorite songs within the WWE.)_

We're then treated by the famous first words of Ben "Wiz" Singer as he says "Bounty hunters, intergalactic pirates who prey on living beings for a paycheck."

And cue the "delightful insights" of one Chad "Boomstick" James as he replies "They blow shit up for cash."

Most of the audience were questioning what the hell they were watching right now as we see Asuka ask "What the hell is this?"

Leaving Mari, in all her "grace and elegance" to answer "I don't know, but I'm getting a little turned on right now."

Asuka can only reply to her friend's remark by saying "TMI, four eyes."

We cut back to the episode as Wiz introduces the first combatant.

"A prime example would be Boba Fett: the most feared bounty hunter in the Star Wars galaxy."

Which left Boomstick to introduce the other by adding "And don't forget Samus Aran: she's so badass, whole planets explode when she's done with 'em. Boom!"

"I'm Wizard"

"And I'm Boomstick."

Wiz concluded the intro by saying "And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The NERV employees were suddenly feeling more interested with this whole deal as we see an exchange between Aoba and Hyuga as Aoba is saying "Oh cool, it's like a geek version of "Celebrity Deathmatch"."

Hyuga knew where this was going because he had to listen to Aoba talking about the show hundreds, if not thousands of times, so he decided to act first by saying "Here we go, let it go, man."

Aoba replied "It's not my fault that a great show that can poke fun at famous people doesn't get the recognition it deserves. If I had the money, I'd hire as many of the original crew as possible to reboot the series and have it air anywhere I could get it to."

Strausberg and Mana were also taking about the match up as Strausberg was seen saying "Having two of the most awesome bounty hunters in all of pop culture duke it out in a fight to the death, gotta say I'm kinda impressed."

Ms. Kirishima is then seen replying "I'm already going with Samus to win since I've read what she's done during her series."

The kids and geeks weren't the only ones talking about the battle at hand, as we see Maya, Misato and Ritusko talking about it. Maya was more worried about the amount of possible graphic violence as we see her saying "I gotta bad feeling about this. I just know that it's gonna be nothing but blood and gore, and that I'm probably gonna need a barf bag when this is over."

Misato decided to help Maya feel better by replying "If you want, I'll tell you when something might get really bad and you can close your eyes."

Maya began to feel slightly better knowing her higher ups had her back and replied "Thank you, Major Katsuragi".

Misato simply responded "No prob."

Ritsuko was remembering things related to Star Wars from her past as she told Misato "Boba Fett I recognize since you and Kaji dragged me along to see all three original Star Wars movies back in college just before finals."

Misato toyingly replied "Don't lie, you thought they were great."

And just like that, cue our audience getting their glimpse of the most badass Mandalorian since the Duchess Satine: the woman who managed to catch Obi-Wan's forbidden fancy as Wiz begins to speak again.

"Boba Fett is known for his cunning, ruthlessness and brute force. But his killer instinct relies on his diverse arsenal of death dealing."

Boomstick decided to pipe in by saying "Plus he wears the most badass space suit ever."

 **Mandalorian Body Armor**

 **Nearly** **Indestructible**

 **Micro Energy Field (somewhat like an A.T. Field)**

 **Penetrating Radar**

 **Protection from Fire, Poison, Acid and Cold (Ritusko was getting a few ideas regarding Plug Suits with all this info)**

 **Retractable Drinking Straw (Misato: HA!)**

Wiz continued his analysis by responding "That's no ordinary space suit, Boomstick. That's Fett's Mandalorian armor, forged form nearly indestructible Duraplast containing a Micro Energy Field for dispersing impacts."

Boomstick's inclusion to all this? Him saying "This guy can have a freaking bomb blow up in his face and still walk away from it like it was nothing."

Mari was noticing the connections to the pilot Plug Suits as well as she began to say "Kinda like our Plug Suits, mama likes already. Hey doc, think you could whip up something like that for us to wear in our EVAs?"

The "good doctor" simply replied "we'll see, but you have to keep in mind that the stuff Fett's suit is made up doesn't really exist in our world."

Maya piped into the conversation by asking Ritusko "But we do have some things relatively similar to those, don't we, Dr. Akagi?"

Ritsuko almost instantly noticed that Maya might be right with her statement and responded "I believe we do, but I'll have to double check."

But enough audience reactions for now, let's get back to Wiz explaining the Fett man's gauntlets and all of their awesome contents.

"His gauntlets house a flamethrower with a reach of 5 meters, a fibercord whip, along with numerous concussion and stun missiles."

 **Wrist Gauntlets**

 **Flame Projector**

 **Fibercord Whip**

 **Wrist Laser**

 **Concussion Missiles**

 **Stun Missiles (just seeing all this stuff mentioned made Mari want these added to their Plug Suits even more)**

Wiz continued his rundown of Fett's weapons as he began to describe his main weapon of choice.

"His main weapon of choice is the EE-3 Carbine Rifle, an extremely accurate and powerful weapon that Fett often cradles like a child..."

 **EE-3 Carbine Rifle**

 **Fires in Short Bursts**

 **Scope Outfitted**

 **Shoulder Sling**

 **Rock-a-Bye Rifle (WTF?)**

Of course Boomstick had to chime in and say "Yeah, I do that with my guns too."

Leaving Wiz to only respond "That's...not weird at all, Boomstick..."

Hearing those words come out of Wiz's mouth made everyone turn around towards Misato who was cradling her favorite pistol, leaving her to respond "What? Wiz just said it wasn't weird. What?"

Uhhhhhhhhhh, okayyyyyyyy...Back to the episode! Wiz tries to get things back on track by saying "How 'bout you fill us in on Fett's heavy weaponry?"

Ritsuko sarcastically replied "Oh, please do."

Boomstick continued the analysis by stating "Well, everyone and their grandma knows that Fett can zoom around with his badass jetpack, which also houses a single anti-vehicle homing rocket. And believe me, you don't want to see this thing heading your way."

 **Mitrinomon Z-6 Jetpack**

 **Hands Free**

 **Up to 1 Minute of Flight**

 **Max Speed: 95 mph/ 145 kph**

 **Magnetic Grappling Hook**

 **Anti-Vehicle Homing Rocket (Now Mari REALLY wanted these for their Plug Suits)**

Wiz took over by saying "That's right, Boomstick. In short, Fett is a human Swiss Army Knife. He's killed hundreds of criminals, politicians and Jedi. He's even held his own against Darth Vader twice.)

Leaving Boomstick to reply "Holy shit, that's hardcore!"

And of course Misato had to agree by shouting "You're damn right, it is!"

Ritsuko on the other hand was a bit skeptical since she had only seen the movies as she chimed in by saying "I don't remember anywhere in the movies where Boba Fett ever fought Darth Vader."

Maya was able to resolve the "good doctor's" problem by mentioning "I think those fights may have been exclusive to some of the expanded universe comic books that were released between and after each movie."

This left Ritsuko to respond "I see."

Wiz continued to list off Fett's list of great feats by mentioning "He became the leader of the Mandalorian mercenaries after the Galactic Civil War, and battled Mace Windu, a trained Jedi Master to a draw when he was just 12 years old."

Of course Boomstick had to add in "Sam Jackson's got nothing on him."

This left a surprised Ritusko to ask "The actor from "Pulp Fiction"? What does he have to do in any of this?"

Aoba responded by saying "He played Mace Windu in the prequel films."

Leaving Ritsuko to ponder "You know, I'm actually surprised that he survived Second Impact."

Which Aoba responded "And thank god he did."

The feats had to eventually end at some point, for it was time for Wiz to point out the Fett man's flaws by mentioning "But with all of his awesomeness, every so often Fett will totally blow it. He's fallen into the Sarlacc pit three times, three! And the Sarlacc's not exactly looking for snacks."

Misato was left scratching her head at this knowlege as she asked "Wait, he only fell in it once in Episode 6, when did the other two times happen?"

Leaving Maya to answer "Again, I think those happened in either some expanded universe books or comics. Star Wars has a pretty expansive lore that goes far beyond just the movies, Major Katsuragi."

Boomstick wasn't happy about this news either as he began to say "Three time?! How do you even do that once? It's a giant hole in the ground with teeth, and he's got a jetpack!"

Asuka, in all her grace and sophistication just had to chime in by saying "Because he might be as big an idiot as Shinji?"

Wiz concluded the analysis by stating "Still, even with his ridiculous flaws, Boba Fett is a whole new meaning to the word "deadly"."

And cue the clip from I believe Episode Five as Vader tells Fett "No disintegration."

Leaving Fett to reply "As you wish."

Cue our audience reactions in 5,4,3,2...now as Mari begins by going "Jeezum crow, how could a guy who can do all that awesome stuff be dumb enough to fall in a giant stationary tooth pit a total of three times, how?"

Asuka replied by stating "Allow me to make a counter-statement: who cares?"

Mari responded by saying "Surely you can't say that you aren't interested in some of this stuff. I mean come on, the stuff used in Fett's suit is perfect for us to have in our Plug Suits."

Asuka replies again by saying "Again, who cares?"

Meanwhile, Misato was asking bridge bunny Maya "Hey Maya, you got any of that "expanded universe" Star Wars stuff I can take a look at since you know all about it?"

Maya responded to her superior's question by answering "I think I can come up with a few things."

Alright, enough of that. Time to focus on Nintendo's galactic badass bae: the one and only Samus Aran as Wiz begins the analysis stating "Samus Aran was infused with bird-like Chozo DNA at a young age, increasing her strength, speed and athletic ability far beyond those of a normal human being."

Which left Boomstick in his classic Boomstick fashion to respond "How do they do that? I want me some bird DNA!"

Mari chimed in by stating "Me too, that would most likely make fighting angels a breeze."

Asuka responded to her friend's statement by saying "You can't be serious about that, how would you even know it would work and not turn you into some mutant freak? Or worse?"

Mari counter responded by asking "And you wouldn't be willing to take the risk if it meant that it would make you an even more awesome pilot?"

Well, that shut Asuka up for a bit as Mari simply said "That's what I thought."

Okay, moving on. Wiz continued his analysis by mentioning "She wears the Power Suit, typically in Varia Form. Which shields her entire body without restricting any of her movement or flexibility."

Of course Boomstick had to chime in by saying "Too bad it makes her look like a dude."

 **Varia Power Suit**

 **Shields Entire Body**

 **Environmental Protection**

 **Easy to Upgrade**

 **No Restriction of Movement or Flexibility (all this caught Ritsuko's attention)**

Wiz resumed by saying "Her primary weapon is the Arm Cannon, which has aquired numerous upgrades over the years. Though the basic Power Beam is basically just a pea shooter with a pathetic area of range...

Boomstick finished Wiz's sentence before he could as he went "At full charge, it'll blow your face off! BAM, Shoop Da Woop!"

 **Arm Cannon**

 **Easy to Upgrade**

 **Power Beam**

 **Charge Beam**

 **Ice Beam**

 **Grapple Beam**

 **Missiles (these got Misato's attention pretty quick)**

Wiz continues his download on the Arm Cannon by saying "the Arm Cannon can also use an ice beam, grapple beam and a plethora of seeking and super missiles."

Misato was pretty much begging Ritusko to make her one as we see her going "Rits, please make that Arm Cannon..."

Ritusko could only reply by saying "What makes you think that even with all of the technology NERV has at its disposal, we can make something like that cannon?"

All Misato could say was "Damn."

 **Screw Attack**

 **Powerful Electric Charge**

 **Temporary Invincibility**

 **Extremely Fast**

 **Namesake of an Awesome Website (which left most of the whole audience in the room to go "Wait, what?")**

 **Morph Ball Alt-Form**

 **1 Meter Diameter**

 **Can Release Bombs**

 **Jumping Ability/ Also Called "Maru Mari" (Mari just wishes that was named after her)**

 **Can Access Small/ Hard to Reach Places**

Wiz goes on by stating "Samus controls the skies with the powerful and speedy Screw Attack, and if there's trouble on the battlefield, she can curl up into her Morph Ball mode and slip away unnoticed."

Boomstick just has to ask "What the (censored)?! How does she do that?"

Leaving Wiz to simply answer "Bird DNA, Boomstick. Bird DNA."

Leaving Mari to go "Which makes me want it even more."

Asuka was getting more annoyed at her coworker before going "Oh, give it up, why don't you?"

Mari only responded by going "Never!"

We go back to the rundown as Boomstick throws in his share of science by going "Samus also has a freaking huge supply of Power Bombs, which can destroy anything on the screen in seconds. Nothing survives!"

 **Power Bombs**

 **Huge Blast Radius**

 **Deals Massive Damage**

 **Crystal Flash Healing Ability**

 **Deployed Only in Morph Ball Mode (everyone immediately thought about the N2 mines when they heard about the Power Bombs)**

Wiz had to get to the good and the bad eventually as he began by saying "She is known to be the bounty hunter capable of taking on impossible missions, fighting massive beasts and even wiping out an entire species. (pretty much everyone wonders if she was real, could she wipe out all of the angels in one fell swoop) However, she often makes mistakes. Somehow, she always seems to lose all of her power ups and upgrades at the beginning of every mission."

It was then that Boomstick just had to make the sexist comment of "Man, someone get this chick a purse."

Let me sum up the reaction of every female audience member when he said that in one word: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cue clip of Samus getting ready for a mission as she quietly says "Time to go." before her helmet's visor flashes.

Now that the rundown on both fighters was complete, it was time for the fight to get underway as Wiz goes "Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

But before that, Boomstick interrupts the start of the fight by saying "But first, I gotta pay off my double barrel bazooka shotgun, thanks to Netflix." (For the sanctity of making sense, let's just say that Netflix, Gamefly, Go Daddy, Audible, every company that gets an ad on this show exists in the EVA universe, except they aren't as big as they are here in our world.)

Shinji pulled Toji to him before whispering "Time to kick off the plan, tell Kensuke to get in place. You too."

Toji gave a signal to Kensuke as he paused the disc before joining him and Shinji at the little stand they had set up in one of the corners of the room as their plan was about to truly unfold when Shinji stood up and went "Step right up, step right up! Come on over and place your bets! What good is living without a little risk in your life, and doesn't risk make life just a little bit more fun in the end of it all? I say yes! So step right up, step right up and place your bets!"

Asuka's suspicions were proven true as she proceeds to go "You want us to bet on this crap?! I knew you idiots were up to something!"

Misato continued by adding "You boys can't set up a gambling ring here, you'll get killed!"

Shinji begins his counter debate by stating "Actually, since the old rat bastard we're forced to call "boss" doesn't care what the hell we do after hours, we can pretty much do anything we want. And besides, what he doesn't know won't hurt anybody, it's not like you guys are betting anything important like your souls or your homes, just a little bit of cash that was just gonna go to waste anyway."

Shinji's surprisingly silver tongue makes the crowd not want to lynch the boys just yet as the third child continues by stating "I mean come on, we have to act like uptight little tools of a machine that have to be so wound up, we can't even sit down without someone, namely my father throwing a hissy fit and a half fit for the queen. You know what I say to that? I say we make this our own little area to just unwind once a week, get together, and act like a bunch of raucous hooligan bastards. Who will join me?!"

the room went silent for a moment before someone finally got the guts to speak up, and it wasn't who you would think it would be. It was surprisingly Maya who took the young Ikari boy's side by stating "He isn't wrong, you know. For once, I'd like to be the one who's able to cut loose here and not have to worry about losing my job. So, put me down for 2000 Yen on Samus Aran."

Despite his initial digressions, Aoba was the next to side with the boys by saying "You know what, I agree. I'll go 1500 on Boba to win."

Hyuga was next to give in as he just said "Whatever. Put me down for 2500 on Fett."

Mana was next to bet as she says "I'll go 2000 on Samus."

Followed by Strausberg when he says "Put me down for 2500 on the Fett man."

Mari felt like trying to one up someone tonight as she goes "Hell, I can trump all those weak ass bets. I'll wager 5000 on Boba, cause he has the kick ass armor I want to wear in an EVA."

Asuka was downright shocked at the amount of "stupidity" that she was seeing before responding by asking "You guys can't seriously be thinking about actually going with these idiots and their obvious scam, are you?"

Misato responds by going "Sorry, Asuka, but the majority has spoken. Put me down for 2500 on Samus!"

The second child hopes that Ritsuko will take her side as she asks her "Surely you have the good sense not to fall for this, don't you, doctor?"

Much to her dismay, Dr. Akagi answers her question by saying "Normally I wouldn't condone this, but dammit, even I need some on site sin around this joint once in a while. Put me down for 3000 on Boba."

Everyone placed their bets as Shinji took the money and placed it in a locked security box before going to the German/Japanese EVA pilot and goes "Well Asuka, everyone else has already placed their bets, so how 'bout it? Wanna play a little game of chance? There's a good chance it could blow up in my face and you could be able to laugh at it when it happens."

Asuka had to mull it over for a few more moments before coming to her final choice as she reluctantly goes "Fine! Put me down for 2000 on that bounty hunter girl with the gun on her arm."

Shinji gladly takes Asuka's money before going "And we have our final bet of the night with Asuka putting down 2000 Yen on Samus Aran! That is it, we will not be accepting any more bets tonight, all wagers are final, and the house gets a 50% cut from the money given by the losers while the other 50 is divided equally among the winners. Now if everyone will take their seats, we can show off the fight and you can see if you made the right bet."

Everyone returns to their seats as Kensuke restarts the video as we hear Boomstick yell "Yeah. Well, it's time for a Death Battle!"

(On to the fight: Space: it's cold, it's empty and the nearest Boobies restaurant is lightyears away. It's here that we see Samus' famous gunship flying around the cosmos, that is until the Slave 1 appears out of nowhere and opens fire, sending our Nintendo hottie crshing down to some random planet. Our femme fatale exits her craft as we see the Fett man hovering down to fight her on his jetpack as the announcer makes the call. "FIGHT!" And it's on! Aran tries to draw first blood by firing off her bower beam, but the shots fade before they can hit the Mandalorian who retaliates with some shots from his beloved EE-3. OOOOOOH, and the shots connect, but Aran ain't out just yet as she shoots off a missile at the Fett man. It hits just as she lands to the ground, but Fett counters with a good old fashioned flamethrower attack, but it's not enough as Aran gets out of the way and fires another missile at the Star Wars legend. He escapes thanks to his jetpack, but look out, here comes Aran with her famous Screw Attack and she nails it, Fett is down on the ground now!

Turns out that Asuka is starting to dig this little scheme of our heroes as we see her quietly saying "What do you know, this isn't as stupid as I thought it would be, and I might just win some money while I'm at it."

Mari on the other hand was too busy being concerned about losing as we see her yelling at the screen "Come on, Fett! I put big money on you, get back up and kick some space ass!"

Back to the fight as we see that Fett gets back into the fight thanks to some well timed concussive missiles, nailing the female bounty hunter and causing her to go into Morph Ball mode to escape. Fett ain't having none of it, and down comes the anti-vehicle missile from his jetpack, but OH-NO! He misses.

Misato was impressed with Ms. Aran's tactics as we hear her thinking "Very clever girl."

Fett goes after the ball with caution as we see that Aran is right behind him, placing a Power Bomb, Fett is too late to realize what just happened as it goes off.

Aoba reels from the bomb blast as he goes "OOOOOOOOOOH! That ain't good for Boba."

Hyuga was getting worried he was gonna lose some dough as we hear him going "Come on dammit, I got a lot of money riding on you to win."

The dust clears as we see that...Fett is still standing, Fett is still standing! The man from Kamino and Mandalor sees the Chozo infused human before firing off another missile, she dodges before firing off an ice beam that hits Fett.

Mari is really worrying now as we see her going "Not good, not good, not good!"

Asuka can simply reply "It's all over now."

Fett struggles to break free, but Aran closes in with a charged up cannon.

Maya says "This is it..."

Samus silently states "You're mine." beforrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee...BAM! Straight to the head, down goes Fraisr...I mean down goes Boba, down goes Boba! Samus Aran is victorious as the announcer goes "KO!"

The audience is in an uproar of mixed reactions as we see Asuka shout "Yeah, baby! Who do I see about getting paid?!"

Ritsuko wasn't too happy with the results her self as we see her quietly saying "Damn, I thought that Fett really had it for a moment there."

Which Misato replied in an effort to cheer up her friend by saying "Don't worry about it too much, Rits. It's only 3000 Yen, it's not like you bet 30,000 or anything like that."

Mari was taking her loss the worst as we here her go "God dammit, I just lost 5000 Yen! This is not a good night for me."

On to the post fight as Boomstick responds to the action the only way he can.

"Holy shit! Did you see that, Wiz? That was insane!"

Wiz kicked off the post battle analysis by stating "Fett battled like a champ, but in the end, Samus' superior technology and athletic skills trumped him hard."

To which Hyuga replied "Tell me about it." in his usual sarcastic manner.

Wiz went on by going "While her basic power beam failed miserably, Samus put her Chozo DNA to work by jumping and dodging around Fett's offences. Boba Fett, who relies more on his cunning and brute force simply didn't have the means necessary to catch Samus."

Of course a still sore Mari goes "Now he tells us!"

Boomstick threw his two cents in as he began to say "He was shooting all over the place, but the space chick was just to quick for him. He even tried to use his homing rocket, but anyone whose blown up a lot of shit in their day knows that anti-vehicle rockets don't work all too well on people."

Strausberg chimes in by adding "He ain't wrong, you know."

Wiz continues Boomstick's part of the analysis by adding "Exactly. Samus is about four times smaller than the average vehicle, so there's only about a one in four chance that Fett's rocket would have hit her. Not to mention the fact that she kept moving, which prevented Fett from getting a solid lock on her."

Aoba mulled over what Wiz was saying for a few seconds before finally going "That kinda makes sense when you think about it."

Boomstick continues the play by play by adding "After that screw up, Samus managed to sneak around Fett and left a little surprise at his feet in the form of a power bomb."

Which Wiz added on to by saying "While Fett's micro-energy field did manage to minimize the damage he took from the power bomb, by that point in the fight, it was already over. Samus froze Fett with her ice beam and finished him off with a charge beam to the face."

Boomstick makes the final joke of the episode by going "She sure stopped him cold."

Leaving Mari to shout out "Quit rubbing it in, Boomstick!"

Wiz ended the episode by saying "That's right, Boomstick. The winner is Samus Aran."

Kensuke paused the video one last time as Shinji got back up on stage to make a few announcements.

"Alright, I'd like to thank you guys again for coming out tonight. Before we announce the next match up that will go down one week from today, whoever bet on Samus, please come collect your original wager plus an extra 1450 Yen from the losing wagers."

Maya, Asuka, Misato and Mana all came up and collected their winnings from Shinji before getting back to their seats before he continued by saying "Alright. Now, for those of you who lost in this fight, better luck next time, which will be at the same time at the same place right here one week from tonight. And, if you want to watch this episode again, the guys that made it will be putting this up on their website sometime next week (It'll be Kensuke who makes the EVA version of Screwattack, please don't confuse it for the original or sue me if someone who works for that site is reading this, I do this because I love your work.) Now then, Kensuke unpaused the video for the last time as Boomstick is heard saying "Next time on Death Battle." as a flurry of violet flamed punches create an odd burning symbol on the otherwise blank screen as a creepy voice goes "Your soul is mine." The hype factor was real as the audience was already making plans to show up next week to see who these two mystery fighters were, but you guys already know who they are, don't you. We then cut to the boys counting the money from the night's battle after everyone left a few hours later as Kensuke is seen saying "After our first night, we have reached a total of...7250 Yen."

Shinji gladly responded by saying "Great. We're on our way, boys. Now, do any of you guys know how to make a website, because I sure as hell don't."

We'll just leave this episode off here and go straight toooooo...

The Omake! Tonight's episode: "Meet the Merch (cue Team Fortress 2 music)" (All omakes are canon in this story, special thanks to Israel Pena for letting me do what he's doing with my own special twists.)

Kensuke answers Shinji's question by stating "Don't look at me, I just know how to work a video camera."

Toji's answer wasn't much help either as he simply said "Don't look at me either, I'm the brawn of this operation."

Shinji was dumbfounded as we hear him sigh before saying "Great, I said that there would be a website that would air the videos for people to see outside of the betting ring up later this week, and none of us know how to make a website. We need to learn how, and fast."

It was then that a mysterious voice is heard saying "Hmmmmmmm, perhaps I could help with such an endeavor."

Out of the shadows came a figure similar to the "Black Lagoon" character Rock save for his eyes being a light green wearing a black three piece suit carrying a briefcase full of strange objects from far away realms as Shinji confronts this stranger by stating "Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?"

The mysterious man in the suit answers the third child's questions by simply saying "Oh, you can just call me "Merch" for you see, I am a salesman of wondrous goods from all across the multiverse. And since you boys are now level four warpers, I can sell you my goods, for a modest price of course."

Toji straight out asks "This guy for real?"

Leaving Merch to respond by answering "Yes, Mr. Suzuhara, I am indeed "for real". And since you boys are new to the whole "warper" game, for the time being it would be the best idea to primarily sell you boys the basics.

Merch then opens his briefcase and puts his arm deep inside as he grabs a large pile of books before saying "Mobius briefcase, pretty cool, right? Let's see here, is that all the basic materials? Yes it is. Now then, I'm willing to offer you boys the most basic needs that a warper must have in their possesion when they're starting out. There's "Basics of Being A Reality Warper for Dummies", Website Creation and Management for Dummies", "Coding" and "Hacking for Dummies", the three levels of "Energy Manipulation", Dimensional Science" and of course "Reality Altering Magic for Dummies". But wait, you say that you boys don't have the time to read these books because of the constant threat of angel attacks? Well, threat no more when you see **this.** "

Merch then pulls out a large gun similar to the "Unmaker" from "Doom" as he introduces the best weapon you could ever have in a place like the "Evangelion" multiverse.

"Gentlemen, I present to you the solution to your angel problems once and for all: The Unmaker, Angel Edition."

Despite how cool the gun looked, Kensuke had to ask "How is that thing gonna deal with out angel problem, even if it is pretty badass looking?"

Merch happily answers the bespectacled male's question by answering "Easy, my dear boy: one shot from this will penetrate any AT Field, going straight for the angel's core. Effectively killing them all in one shot. Much more effective than anything you boys have here right now, isn't it?"

Shinji just grabbed all the cash they made from the fight in a "shut up and take my money" style before going "We'll take all of it, how much?"

Merch happily replies "Wonderful, I'll need a trade of equal value, I'll gladly take some bodily fluids from your red headed German co-worker and her friend in pink with the glasses."

Shinji could only respond in the most acceptable way possible "BODILY WHAT?!"

Merch calmly responded by mentioning "Yeah, you'd be surprised how many perverts there are that would be willing to pay top dollar for things containing the DNA of their favorite characters out there. Of course you would be receiving a cut of the sale as a sort of "broker's fee" of sorts."

Toji bluntly asked "How much we talking about?"

Kensuke had to punch his friend in the shoulder as he said "Dude, don't ask that!"

Merch was willing answer the fourth child's question by saying "I'd be willing to give you boys 10% of the cut each to start, and in a few years, we might be able to talk about an increase."

Shinji turned to his brothers in arms before saying "Guys, we need this stuff." He then turned to Merch before saying "Is there anything you can sell us to help get it that would be enough for the samples from both of them AND maybe something like some of Misato's hair?"

Merch thought about it for a little bit before we hear his response.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I got it. How about this nifty little replicator made on the Gem Homeworld? It can copy and replicate items in near infinite numbers, but only if they are from the universe that you're using it in. So no copying stuff from me in order to get freebies since pretty much nothing I sell comes from the "Evangelion" universes outside of more, shall we say "adult" items."

This left Shinji to inquire by saying "Adult as in..."

Merch answered by stating "Oh, you know: artbooks, wall scrolls, fan made comics, stuff like that. But I'll probably wait to sell you some of those until you boys have had some formal warper training."

Shinji reached a decision to add the replicator to the stuff they were buying as he went "Alright, we'll take one of those replicator things too, but we won't be able to pay you until Thursday."

This left Merch to question the third child by asking in a serious tone "And why is that?"

Shinji's response was quick and to the point as he answered "NERV holds a weekly drug test on all of its pilots and employees ever Thursday, Toji can cause a distraction while I switch out some replicated sample with the real ones, which we'll give to you as payment with the added incentive of Misato's hair as a bonus. You meet us that Thursday evening on the grounds of the local High School, we can do the trade off there. Deal?"

Merch was surprisingly impressed with Shinji's moxie as he replied "I like the way you think, kid. Tell you what, I'll go along with your little deal, and I'll even let you keep that stuff until then, just make sure that you get me those fluids, got it?"

Shinji simply answered "Crystal clear."

Merch then responded to Shinji's words by saying "Good boy. And since I'm feeling generous today, I'll even throw in a free copy of "Moby Dick for Dummies", yours to keep at no extra charge. Until Thursday, boys."

Merch transports out of the room as Shinji takes a look at the free book they received just for kicks as he openly read an line from it.

"Call me Ismael, dummy. Wow, Matt Groening really hit the nail on the board when he thought about this."

Toji had to ask about the plans as we hear him asking "So now what?"

Shinji answered by saying "Well, I guess we should learn how to make a website so we aren't ostracized as liars in front of everybody first, then figure out all the other stuff about being a warper afterwards, and maybe if there's time, go through that whole "Moby Dick for Dummies" book.

Kensuke noticed one small detail was being overlooked as he asked "What about getting those samples from the drug test?"

Shinji replied by answering "We can think up of how we're gonna do that while we're working on that website, but for right now, let's get to work"

Toji and Kensuke boldly replied "Right."

(End Omake)

 **(Author's Note #2: There you have it folks: round one of Boba Fett VS Samus Aran. A little word of warning, I have decided not to go to Archive of Our Own with this story in favor of DeviantArt (just look up DSX62415 Deviantart, you should find it no problem). However, the version will remain here to serve as a beacon of quality to serve as an example to all others who want to do reaction fics here and show this site's harshest critics that even stories like this can be well executed. As always, thank you for reading, don't forget to favorite, review and follow both here and on DeviantArt (the version that's gonna get posted on there will be up eventually) and as always, DSX62415, out.)**


	4. True Chapter 2

**NERV Bets On Death Battle**

 **Chapter 2: Raging Demons: Akuma VS Shang Tsung**

 **(Warning: All properties belong to their respective copyright owners. EVA to Gainax, Death Battle to Screwattack, Merch to Yoshi3000, Street Fighter to Capcom, Mortal Kombat to Neather Realm Studios, you get the idea.)**

 **(Author's Note #1: Alright, after writing the first real episodes on Deviantart, I think I got the hang of how I'm gonna write the differences between the people reacting and the actual episode itself. So to make things clear: normal font signifies reactions non-Wiz and Boomstick speach, bold font signifies Wiz and Boomstick talking during the episode and things relating to the episode like the fight, and bold font that's been underlined covers stats and things from the "Board of Wiz-dom". That being said, let's kick off the actual second episode of NERV Bets On Death Battle!)**

 **At NERV headquarters. Beware!**

It was the Thursday of NERV's weekly drug testing as we see Shinji and Toji in the same waiting room where all of the test samples while the third child runs over the plan with the fourth child one last time as we hear Shinji say "Alright, here's the plan: you talk up Dr. Akagi so she can't take the samples to the lab while..."

Toji continues where Shinji leaves off by stating "While you use the replicator thing we got from Merch to make copies of Asuka and Mari's samples to switch out with the real ones. Then we meet up with Kensuke who will be waiting with Merch at the school with the stuff in hand to make the final trade-off with Merch. Got it."

Shinji then replies by saying "Good. Asuka should be done with hers any minute now. Once she places it on the table and leaves, that's your to talk it up with the good doctor."

Toji states in a readied tone "I'm ready when you are, bro."

We then see Asuka who was now in her school uniform instead of her red and orange Plug Suit placing her test sample with the others before leaving the room as Shinji gives the signal for Toji to put the plan into action as he walks up to Ritsuko and began to ask "So uh, doc. I'm considering taking some sort of performance enhancing supplements to help me out with piloting my EVA, but I'm wondering which ones would get me in trouble during a drug test. Do you mind helping me out with it by giving me some info on which ones would be right for me?"

Ritsuko was somewhat hesitant as she replied "I suppose, but we'll have to make it quick. Those drug test samples need to get to the lab ASAP, or else they'll be worthless and we'll all have to take it again."

Toji responds by saying "I'm sure it would only take like, a minute. Hey, mind if we talk outside in the hall real quick?"

Ritusko hesitantly replied "Very well, but only for a few seconds."

Toji simply replies "That should be plenty of time."

Toji and Ritsuko step out of the room before Shinji springs into action by locating Asuka and Mari's DNA samples on the table. He then uses the replicator to scan Asuka's cup before making a copy to replace the original as he does the same to Mari's. When he was done with his work, Shinji placed both of the original samples inside of a small freezer bag before giving Toji the signal that his part of the plan was done, causing the fourth child to cut his talk with the doctor short as she was in the middle of saying "And then there's always..."

"You know on second thought, maybe we should talk about this when you aren't busy with stuff like drug testing. How's tomorrow afternoon for you?"

Ritsuko simply answered by saying "Come meet me after school, then we'll talk."

Leaving Toji to respond by going "Great. See ya' tomorrow, doc."

Toji then meets up with Shinji on their way out of the base as he asks the third child "Did you get the stuff?"

To which Shinji responds by saying "Got it in this bag. Let's regroup at the school to meet with Kensuke and Merch."

Toji then gets the idea of asking "Wait, what about Misato's hair?"

Shinji then answers by stating "Got it straight from her hair brush using a pair of tweezers. We're all set."

Which leaves the fourth child to resopnd "Sweet. Let's go."

The two then quickly made their way to the school using an ability they managed to learn from one of the "Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" books by warping space and time around them so the samples would still be as fresh as possible by the time they arrived. They had finally reached the roof of the school seconds later with Kensuke and Merch waiting patiently for their arrival before the suit wearing Warper begins to say "Well, well, well. You boys actually showed up. You got the stuff?"

Shinji steps forward to hand Merch the bag while saying "Got it in this bag. And before you ask, the hair is in a separate sandwich bag inside."

Merch then grabbed something that looked like a tablet computer, but somehow different for some reason as a scanning beam went over both of the samples and the hair to make sure that they were indeed the real thing. A beeping sound then goes off as Merch says "Well whadya' know, they're the real deal alright. You boys actually came through. And just in time too, I already have a buyer for this stuff."

Merch then did a few things with the tablet as the samples and the hair then disappeared into thin air before another beeping sound went off, which leaves Kensuke to ask "Hey, how'd you do all that stuff with just a tablet?"

Merch then replies by stating "This, my dear boy is no ordinary tablet. It's the most coveted and powerful tool that a Warper could ever possess: the **BlackTab.**

Toji responds by asking "BlackTab?"

Merch continued his explanation by going "Named after the family that created the technology used to make 'em: the **Blackthorns.** Anyone who comes into possession of one of these bad boys can instantly go up to being either a level 9 or 10 Warper.

Shinji throws his two cents into the discussion by going "I've actually been meaning to ask you about that, is it possible or us to become level 10 Warpers on our own, or are we gonna need one of those things to do it?"

Merch can only respond by stating "In the case of you guys, It's just not possible for you to reach level 10. Level 10 Warpers can only be created when an Earth Prime born level 7 Warper falls into an alternate fictional universe, becoming a part of it. And before you ask, travel to Earth Prime is strictly illegal for fictional characters, same deal with Warpers. And even if you did have a Blacktab in your possession, the highest level you could possibly go is level 9, putting you on par with characters like the Master Hand and Crazy Hand from Super Smash Brothers. Otherwise, the highest level you can reach on your own would be level 6, which is still a good place to be when you're a Warper."

Even knowing that they would never reach level 10, Shinji had to ask "And you wouldn't happen to have any that you would be willing to sell to us, would you?"

To which Merch replies "I wish. The Blackthorn family only makes these things for themselves or in very rare cases, close friends of the family. Matter of fact, I'm pretty much the only person outside of the main or extended family that owns one of these bad boys, and that's only because I'm friends with the family's matriarch and patriarch."

Hearing that gave the fourth child an idea as he asked "And I guess you can't introduce us to any of 'em so we can befriend them and get BlackTabs for ourselves, right?"

Which leads Merch to respond by saying "Smart kid. And here I thought that you were just the muscle of the operation."

We then hear the BlackTab give off another beeping sound before Merch looks at the device before saying "And we have payment."

The level 10 Warper then shows the boys the amount of money that their grabbings made as we see the boys become surprised (well, not so much surprised as shocked) at the total when we hear Shinji yell out **"20,000,000 Yen?!"**

To which Toji ads on by stating **"That's like 2,000,000 big ones in the US!"**

Kensuke chimes in by saying "Man, I guess pervs really are willing to pay big for stuff like that."

To make matters more cringe worthy, Merch decided to say "Would you believe that half of this is from Asuka's DNA alone?"

Hearing this left a mortified Shinji to go "I don't even want to think about it."

Which causes Merch to try and do some damage control by saying "Well, maybe your cut of the sale will take your mind off of it. Take a look at your phones."

Each of the boys took a look at the new phones they had gotten from their "Welcome to Being a Reality Warper" gift baskets to see a text message reading "2,000,000 Yen has been added to your dimensional bank account."

Of course, the third child is left to ask "Let me guess, our broker's fee?"

To which Merch replies by confirming "10% for each of you, just like I said. Just don't go on a mad spending spree with that without using an ability that can disguise who you really are from others or they're gonna start asking questions."

Which Kensuke replies by saying "Got it."

Merch then straightened up his tie before saying "Well then, you boys just ring me up whenever you want to do business again, and until then, I bid you gentlemen good day."

The dimensional businessman then used his BlackTab to teleport off of the building's roof as the boys were left to ponder what to do with some of their recently acquired small fortunes as we hear Toji go "Well, now that we got some major bank, what do you guys think we should do with it first?"

Shinji, being the smarter of the three reminded the others about the situation by stating "Remember what Merch said: we can't go around spending this stuff like crazy while we're ourselves, or else people are gonna start asking questions and possibly throw the whole plan into jeopardy. Right now, the best course of action would be to just use the money we get from NERV to buy stuff until we can master whatever forms of reality altering magic to disguise ourselves in every way possible...and **THEN** we can go on a crazy spending spree."

Kensuke was the first to respond to this by saying "I can get behind that plan. How 'bout we check the number of hits our website's been getting while we read some more of those books that Merch gave us? That way, we can be ready to use what we learn from 'em for as long as we want or need when the time comes?"

This brings Shinji to answer by saying "Sounds like a good idea to me. Toji?"

"Eh, why not. I've already made sure that Sakura has everything she needs for the day, and I ain't got anything better to do." replied the muscular fourth child.

The boys then spent the rest of the day at Toji's place doing activities such as reading from the books that Merch gave them in order to learn the skills inside, maintaining their version of the "Screwattack" website made by Kensuke thanks to the knowledge he gained from the "for Dummies" books that taught how to make and maintain a website, which was doing fairly well with gaining web traffic thanks to the NERV employees showing it to other people they knew...except for Gendo. Nobody shared the video with him since they knew that if he ever found out what his son was doing behind his back every Friday night, he'd be on everyone like ugly on an ape. Friday night had came at last as we cut to see that the boys were getting everything ready for their "audience" to watch the next fight before we hear Kensuke call out "Alright, I got the projector all warmed up."

Cut to Toji standing next to a fully loaded snack table as he responds "Snack table's all set up."

And Shinji rising from behind the betting booth before saying "And I got the money box hidden inside of our betting booth for safe keeping.

Hearing about the cash made the fourth child realize something as we hear him ask "Hey, wait a minute. I just thought of something: how are we supposed to split the money from all this?"

Toji wasn't the only one who had been thinking about this subject as we hear Shinji respond by saying "Yeah, I've been thinking about that, and I think we should split the money every time 15,000 Yen we make, or something like that. That way, all three of us walk away with 5000 Yen every time, and we won't have to complain about the possibility of someone making more than the others."

Of course the fourth child had to ponder this idea for a few minutes before coming up with his answer by going "That actually ain't that bad of an idea. But what if we haul in more than 15,000 Yen after a battle?"

Well, apparently Shinji had thought of that too as we then hear him go "I was technically thinking having what would be left over from the division being put back in the money box until we can divide it up equally again."

Toji might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he knew what a good idea was when he heard it as we hear him say "I guess that could work."

Kensuke then threw his two cents into the mix by replying "Yeah, I can get behind that distribution method. Especially if we keep hauling in the kind of cash we did last week every time."

The boys finish setting up a few minutes later as we see that our audience from last week show off their invites to get in before mingling with one another and trying to figure out who was fighting next in tonight's match up. Such a case would be Misato with Ritsuko and the bridge bunnies as we see the violet haired Major crack open a beer as she asks "So, who do you guys think is fighting this week?"

Aoba sheds some light on the situation by stating "I know for a fact that the symbol we saw in last week's preview belongs to Akuma from Street Fighter, which means he's definitely gonna be a fighter in tonight's episode. His opponent however is still a total mystery to me."

It was Maya's turn to contribute to the mystery as we hear her say "Well, the creepy voice did say something about souls. Do you think it could be someone from Soul Calibur fighting him?"

To which the bespectacled bridge bunny replies "Maybe, but it could also just as easily be someone from Mortal Kombat since during the 90's before Second Impact, those two game series were major rivals in the arcades. Hell, I remember having to wait in line just to play either of them growing up."

The female of the three BBs turns to her guitar playing co-worker (yes, Hyuga knows how to play guitar) and asks "Who do you think is fighting, Hyuga?"

The downer of the group chooses to reply by going "Don't know, don't care as long as I get a kick ass fight out of it."

Turning out attention away from those guys, let's cut over to Asuka talking to Mari, who was still a tad bit sore after losing a good amount of Yen during the Boba/Samus fight.

"Oh, come on, four-eyes. So you lost some money last week, big freaking whoop. If you choose to bet this week, there's always the chance that you can make your money back, and then some."

The brunette European pilot perks up before saying "I suppose you're right, princess. I guess we'll just have to wait until the fight to find out."

The scene then shifts to Shinji standing next to Toji and Kensuke behind the projector before we hear him say "Alright, I'm gonna go warm up the crowd and get 'em ready for the fight."

Kensuke, giving some confidence states "Break a leg, bro."

The third child then got up in front of the projection screen to begin his pre-fight monologue.

"Alright everyone, I wanna thank you guys again for coming out of the wood work for a night of some rowdy good secret fun. Now, who's ready for more Death Battle?"

The crowd mummers in approval as Shinji continues by going "Alright, let's do this. Play it, Kensuke."

Kensuke starts up the video, but we're gonna skip the ad for GameFly to go straight to what you really came here to read as "Invader" starts to play and Wiz kicks things off right.

 **"Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat: kings of the fighting game genre. And with every good fighting game comes the need for awesome villains."**

All Aoba could say was "Called it."

 **Boomstick introduces his fighter by stating "Like Akuma, the ultimate badass with martial arts."**

 **While Wiz introduces the challenger by adding "And Shang Tsung, the sorcerer vanguard of doom."**

Leaving Aoba to say "Again, totally called it."

Asuka groans about the fighters before saying "Great, this is gonna be a total testosterone fest." in a sarcastic manner. Sarcasm: can't live witht it, can't live without.

 **"He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick."**

 **Wiz concludes the intro by going "And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."**

The audience was growing in concern as we hear Aoba state "I'm already placing my money on Akuma to take it because he was always so freaking cheap whenever I had to face him."

Hyuga couldn't care less about who was fighting as we hear him say "This better be good."

 **Enter the raging demon of Street Fighter: the beast known as Akuma as Wiz opens his rundown by saying "Akuma, master of the fist. Also known as Gouki in Japan, he is a living weapon who is ten times stronger than nearly every other member of the Street Fighter roster."**

 **Of course Boomstick threw in a piece of useless, but none the less good info by stating "Plus he looks freaking awesome. I want me some glowing red eyes."**

Mari responds to Boomstick's remarks by saying "Mine turn green when I use "Beast Mode" with my EVA, but I wouldn't mind 'em turning red though."

Asuka sighed before saying "Figured you would side with someone as stupid as Boomstick."

Misato was sort of taken aback by Akuma's slightly demonic appearance as we hear her say "Man, that guy looks scary."

To which Ritusuko replies "Agreed."

 **Gou Hadouken**

 **Total Control**

 **Can Fire Multiple Shots at Once**

 **Shinku Hadouken**

 **Can be Charged**

 **Usable While in Midair (Zanku Hadouken)**

 **Wiz starts up the special attack rundown by stating "Akuma has dozens of special attacks that he can use, including the Gou Hadouken: a powerful blast with precision control. He's also capable of using the almighty Shinku Hadouken, which is basically a giant fireball of death."**

 **Boomstick chimes in by saying "Man, if I ever fire a Hadouken in real life, I'ma die happy."**

Aoba, being the seasoned Street Fighter player that he was adds on by stating "Not to mention that it's more powerful than Ryu or Ken's versions."

All Mari cared about in this whole talk about Hadoukens was the fact that they were giant fireballs of death, stating "I wanna fire Hadoukens too. Those angels would be toast."

All Asuka could do was facepalm from listening to the words that were coming from Mari's mouth.

 **Super Moves and Attacks**

 **Gou Shoryuken ("Dragon Fist")**

 **"Air Slashing" Hurricane Kick**

 **Teleport**

 **Hyakki Shuu ("Demon Flip")**

 **Continuing the rundown, Wiz goes "Akuma also uses the Shoryuken uppercut, a teleporting ability, a swift, multi-hit striking Hurricane Kick, and the Hyakki Shuu, AKA: "The Demon Flip"."**

Ritusko was rather impressed by the ability to teleport, saying "I have to admit that teleporting would be a nice ability to have when you need to go from one place to another rather quickly."

Misato, thinking of more how should I put this...lazy ass reasons threw in her two cents on the matter by adding "Or if you really want a beer and you don't want to walk to the fridge from the couch."

The "good doctor" could only roll her eyes at her friend's remarks.

 **Super Arts**

 **Shinku Hadouken**

 **Kongou Kokuretsu Zan**

 **Shun Goku Satsu/ the "Raging Demon" (literally translates into "Instant Hell Murder")**

 **It was Boomstick's turn to have a go at explaining Akuma's mad skills as we hear him say "Akuma's also got a ton of Super Arts, but only two really stand out. First there's the Kongou Kokuretsu Za-how do you say that?"**

 **Wiz replies "No Idea."**

Everyone in the audience almost instantly yelled out **"Kongou Kokuretsu Zan"!**

Asuka throws fuel to the flames by going "Learn the language if you're gonna use it, you morons!"

 **Boomstick just decides to skip trying to pronounce it and just says "Well, I'm pretty sure that's Japanese for "Fuck You Up!" cause basically, Akuma punches the ground, and things explode. Akuma slams his fists into the ground to create powerful shockwaves that can send his opponents flying. He even shattered a whole friggin' island just by punching it, holy shit!"**

Of course people were gonna be surprised at hearing this massive feat of strength as we hear Misato yell out "The fuck?!"

To which Mari added on by saying "He punched an island and caused it to explode in just one hit?!"

 **To throw even more fuel on the fire, Wiz pointed out "But that's not the deadliest weapon up his non-existent sleeve.", leaving Mari and Misato to both yell out "The double fuck?!"**

 **Cut to video of Akuma using the deadliest attack that anyone with access to the Satsui No Haodu could ever perform: the GODDAMN RAGING DEMON on some poor sucker as the audience was in awe when they saw the violet flurry of punching effects before Akuma's opponent lied presumably dead at his feet as he faces away from the camera to show off the same glowing symbol from the preview on the back of his gi, to which Maya calls out "It's that symbol again!"**

Strausberg gets his first line of dialogue in this chapter as he replies "I guess that's his personal emblem or something."

 **Wiz gives us the details on the deadly combo as he goes "The Shun Goku Satsu, also known as the Raging Demon, but literally translates into "Instant Hell Murder"."**

 **Of course Boomstick had to chime in by adding "Man, I'm totally naming my first kid that."**

Well, apparently Mari was thinking the same thing as we hear her state "That would be the most awesome baby name ever."

Leaving Asuka to simply facepalm again at Mari's remarks, wondering why she was even friends with her.

 **The discussion of the furiously powerful attack wasn't done yet, as Boomstick adds on to his rundown.**

 **"The Raging Demon at full power is fatal, but this guy is still a freaking onslaught of pain without it."**

 **Wiz went on to say "That's right, Boomstick. Akuma lives for one thing and one thing only: fighting. He travels the world day and night, seeking out worthy opponents. He is nothing short of an unstoppable human holocaust, losing only once to his brother Gouken. But after a brutal rematch...**

 **We cut to the comic page of Gouken's dead body being held up by a single wall with his blood being used to paint Akuma's symbol above him as Boomstick makes one of his worst jokes on the show "Oh he look, he can finger paint."**

Of course this prompts a collective "NOT FUNNY!" from pretty much everyone in the audience.

 **Wiz cuts in and continues the analysis by stating "It was rumored that Akuma sacrificed his soul to a demon for the power he needed to beat Gouken, but this has since deemed non-canon."**

 **The pros had to end sometime, as Boomstick points out "Despite his sheer awesome might, Akuma's got one major problem though: his stamina is absolutely pathetic. Sure he can dish out a punch, but he sure as hell can't take one."  
**

Aoba recalls his past experiences with the savage warrior by saying "That's why I would always try and stay in the corner of the screen and spam him with energy blasts whenever I could every time I had to face him."

 **Wiz begins the final touches of Akuma's rundown by saying "It's crucial for Akuma to have total control over the fight. He take son an extremely offensive approach to fighting, always moving, always attacking."**

 **Leaving Boomstick to wrap things up by going "Yeah, screw defense, give me more ways to hurt people!"**

 **Cut to Akuma's pre-fight intro from like, any version of Street Fighter 4 as he calls out "I am Akuma, and I will teach you the meaning of pain!"**

The crowd approval ratings for Akuma were...less than positive to say the least as we Misato and Aoba talking about the evil warrior of death with Misato going "I can't believe that he would kill his own brother for beating him in a fight. I seriously hope that he loses this one."

Aoba on the other hand, wasn't so sure that his opponent would be scoring any easy wins today as we hear him reply "He was a total beast every time I had to fight him, but so was I every chance I got to have him under my control, so Shang Tsung better watch his back when fighting him."

 **Speaking of Shang Tsung, it's time to move on to the soul stealing sorcerer of Outworld himself, as Wiz begins his rundown by saying "Shang Tsung is the cunning sorcerer of Outworld, and scheming pawn to Shao Khan. He's extremely adept at the use of magic, and is a well rounded fighter."**

 **Flaming Skulls**

 **Can Attack in Rounds of 1,2, or 3**

 **Fire Damage**

 **Swift and Deadly**

 **Unlimited Supply of Human Scalps (Maya can only say "Gross." at hearing about the human scalp part)**

 **Boomstick gives us the rundown on Tsung's projectile attack by saying "This guy can shoot flaming skulls, which is pretty awesome. But where the heck is he keeping 'em all? I mean seriously, how many skulls can a person carry around with 'em?"**

Leaving Maya to answer "I don't know, and I don't wanna know."

But then Mari acts like a buzzkill and says "Probably some sort of magic or something."

To which the female bridge bunny replies "I said I didn't wanna know."

 **Hot Escape**

 **Extremely Fast**

 **Wide Range**

 **Burns Victims when Approaching Close Enough**

 **Sucker Punch! (Mari: Ha!)**

 **Wiz adds on to the info dump by stating "Tsung can teleport around the battlefield with a special move called the "Hot Escape"."**

 **Of course a clip of someone getting sucker punched by the move lets Boomstick yell out "WHAM! Sucker punch, bitch!", earning a "HA!" from both Misato and Mari.**

 **Morphing**

 **Can Change into Anyone he Knows**

 **Copies Abilities and Stats of Subjects**

 **Enables Hundreds of New Strategies**

 **The time to run down Tsung's morphing ability was now as Wiz gave us the cold hard facts.**

 **"He can morph into anyone he pleases, giving him tons of new skill sets, it's like fighting a hundred different foes combined into one body."**

 **Of course Boomstick had to abuse the situation by saying "Man, I wish I could morph into anyone I wanted. I could have some major fun with that."**

Again, Mari pretty much had the exact same thing in mind as she was looking at Asuka, who bluntly responded to her thoughts "Don't even think about it, four eyes." without Mari even saying a thing.

 **Straight Sword**

 **About 3 Feet Long**

 **Secretly Hidded Within Outfit**

 **Of Unknown Origin**

 **Prefers Fists and Magic over Swordplay**

 **Boomstick wasn't done yet, as he began to explain Tsung's physical weapon by going "He's also got a razor sharp straight sword, though he usually keeps it hidden for a surprise attack."**

Hyuga quietly chimes in about this by going "Guess he won't be using that in the fight much."

 **But the rundown of Tsung's abilities was far from over, as Wiz revealed his deadliest skill.**

 **"Shang Tsung also possesses one other strange, but useful ability: long ago when he was caught cheating in the Mortal Kombat tournament, the Elder Gods cursed him to age rapidly until an untimely death."**

We then cut to Misato and Ritsuko reacting to what they just heard as we hear Misato go "Yeesh. I've heard of cruel and unusual punishments, but that's ridiculous."

Which leaves the head doctor to reply "Wouldn't you want to punish someone if you caught them cheating in your tournament?"

Leaving Misato to respond "Yeah, but still..."

 **"The only way to prevent this fate would be to absorb the souls of his victims.**

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, cue a collective "WHAT?!" from everyone in the audience.

 **Soul Steal**

 **Sustains Youth**

 **Restores Energy and Health**

 **Gains Opponent's Skills and Memories**

 **Uses Skills for Morphing**

 **Boomstick's response to this? Going "He can literally eat your soul! Not only does it heal him, but he gets the memories of the souls he's devoured."**

 **Wiz continued elaborating on the subject by stating "This helps copy the move sets of other fighters when he's using his morphing ability."**

 **Leaving Boomstick to give us the sweet sweet sounds of sarcasm as he says "So really, his curse became his deadliest weapon. Good punishment there, Gods."**

Of course the German/Asian hybrid redhead adds on to the sarcasm pool by adding "Yeah, make the guy you caught cheating into a soul stealing genius who can use the souls he steals to further increase his abilities. Great punishment."

 **Wiz gets the last of the good out of the way and starts the bad about Shang as he says "Shang Tsung has lived and fought for over a thousand years. His sorcery, powers and brutal Fatalities are rivaled by few, and he's claimed the title of grand champion of the Mortal Kombat tournament a total of seven times. Almost bringing about the winning streak needed to allow Shao Khan to invade Earthrealm. Key word being "almost"."**

 **This let Boomstick to add on by stating "Yeah, unfortunately for Shang Tsung, he actually pretty much sucks at accomplishing his goals. He's super powerful, but like most villains, he can never get around some goody-two-shoes getting in the way of a global takeover."**

Misato turned to Ritsuko before going "Kinda reminds me of us and the angels in a way."

Figuring out what she was talking about pretty quickly, the doctor simply replied "True. True."

 **Wiz adds more fuel to the fire by throwing in "His only notable victories have required treachery and deceit. But do keep in mind that Tsung's not fighting any ordinary meat heads, he's fighting demons, sorcerers and gods. And even in death, he somehow keeps coming back more lethal than ever."**

 **Cut to a clip from one of the live action movies where Tsung points to someone and bluntly tells them "You. Will. Die!"**

 **The rundown for both fighters was finally complete as we hear Wiz go "Alright, the combatants are set. But before we end this debate once and for all, I need some cash to buy more rats for genetic testing.**

 **Leaving Boomstick to just go "What?"**

 **To which Wiz responds "From GameFly."**

Kensuke pauses the video as Shinji gets the people in the betting mood by going "Step right up, step right up! Place your bets, who is the more powerful of the two evils? Place your bets and maybe it'll be the one you bet on! Don't be afraid to bid on evil, come on up and bet, bet, bet!"

Aoba went for it first as we hear him go "Give me 2500 on Akuma!"

Hyuga followed soon after by shouting out "I'll do 3500 on Tsung to win!"

Asuka made her bet next, but not before speaking her piece on the fighters.

"Akuma may be a stupid brother killer, but at least he isn't going around and sucking out people's souls like a banshee. Put me down for 3000 on Akuma!"

Ritusko decided to use her brain on who to bet on as we hear her go "I'll bet 3000 on Shang Tsung to win based on his years of experience!"

Maya was at a crossroads with her choice of fighters until she made her choice by going "I may not like either fighter, but I'll bet 2000 on the Mortal Kombat guy!"

Mari wasn't gonna let last week's failure get to her as we hear her shout out "5000 Yen on Akuma the badass with a kick ass attack name that I wanna name my kids after!"

Misato was next to place her bid by going "I'll do 2500 on that soul stealer guy!"

Quickly followed by Strausberg shouting "Gimme 2000 on Akuma!"

Finally, Mana was the last to bid as we hear her go "I'll do 4000 on Shang Tsung since he's one of my mains in Mortal Kombat after Sub Zero, Sonya and Scorpion!"

Shinji then takes all the money and places it in the box for safe keeping as we hear him say "Alright, betting is officially closed! All bets are final with the house getting 50% of the losing wagers while the other 50 is split across the winners! Kensuke, play the fight!"

The bespectacled cameraman replies by shouting out "You got it!" before unpausing the video as we skip the GameFly ad to get to what you really came here for as Boomstick shouts out **"Oh wait, a Death Battle!"**

 **(The fight: Akuma walks up a mountain in search of new victims to add to his endless rampage of death and destruction before he reaches a temple at the mountain's peak. Before he reaches the center of the main floor, he jumps back from Tsung trying to sucker punch him with the "Hot Escape" before getting into a fighting stance as the announcer goes "FIGHT!"! And so it begins! Tsung fires off a flaming skull towards the raging demon, but Akuma jumps out of the way before firing off two Hadoukens at the warrior of Outworld, but he blocks it! But OH NO! This leaves Tsung distracted as Akuma goes in with a Demon Flip, followed a series of Hurricane Kicks leading into a Shoryuken that sends Tsung flying into the air before crashing down to the ground when Akuma hits him with a Shinku Hadouken before curb stomping the sorcerer to no end!)**

Time for some audience commentary as we see Aoba quietly go "Akuma's playing to his strengths. He keeps this up, and this fight will be over in no time."

We then shift to a giddy Mari going "Haha! Looks like mama's getting paid this time around after all."

 **(The fight ain't over yet as Tsung gets back up just before Akuma can grab him and finish him off as he morphs into the most famous member of the Shirai Ryu ninja clan: Scorpion as Akuma stops his assault with intrigue.)**

Seeing the transformation left a giddy Mana to go "Oh my god, he turned into Scorpion!"

Ritsuko on the other hand was more focused on the possible outcome this transformation brought as we hear her say "Looks like Shang Tsung isn't out of this fight just yet."

 **(Shang Scorpion shouts out "COME HERE!" before firing off a rope dart that hits Akuma, drawing blood before pulling the Street Fighter closer to the Outworld ninja sorcerer who dishes out an uppercut of his own, which brings out a guy in a purple shirt to yell out "TOASTY!" for some reason! The sudden appearance of said guy left pretty much everyone in the audience who had never played Mortal Kombat confused about what the hell they just saw, but we don't have time for their reactions to it! Shang Tsung is back to his normal self while juggling Akuma in the air with the use of rapid firing flaming skulls, but Akuma manages to escape! The raging demon now gets behind Tsung and THROWS him across the arena before teleporting to his location to get behind a then rising Tsung before kicking him again, but OH! Tsung blocks it! Akuma tries to take him out with another Hadouken, but misses as Tsung uses "Hot Escape" to get the upper hand with a Straight Sword slash to the back!)**

Hyuga was actually sporting a genuine small smile on his face when we hear his go "Whad'ya know, he actually used it."

 **(Akuma is stunned, which lets Tsung start sucking out his soul in order to regain some power before BAM! Hurricane Kick to break the sorcerer's grip and a Kongou Kokuretsu Zan to send him back hard thanks to a powerful shockwave! Akuma teleports, gets behind Tsung again before nailing him with a few good punches before throwing him again as Tsung manages to regain his balance and land on his feet before using his powers to MORPH INTO FREAKING AKUMA!)**

The audience was in shock at the sudden change in the sorcerer's battle plan as we hear Misato go "Oh man, Tsung must have stole enough of Akuma's soul to steal his abilities too!"

Which Ritsuko responds to by saying "Akuma is gonna be in some major trouble if he doesn't find a way to counteract this."

However, people like Mari weren't impressed by the act of outright copy cat-ism as we hear her shout out "Come on, Akuma! Kick that impostors' ass!"

Leaving Asuka to facepalm again before asking the pilot of Unit-05P "Uh, quick question: why are we even friends?"

To which the cheeky Brit playfully responds "Oh don't be like that, princess. You love me and you know it."

 **(It's down to the wire as the two Akumas stare each other down as the music intensifies before they jump into the air in ssssssssuuuuuuupppppeerrrr ssssslllllllooooooooowwwwwwwww mmmmmmmmmooooooooooooooo before punching and kicking the hell out of one another at lightning fast speeds! The faker manages to get the upper hand for a short time after knocking the real Akuma down to the ground as he tries to end things with the Kongou Kokuretsu Zan, BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH! Akuma leaps back before unleashing the full power of the Satsui No Hadou in the form of Raging Demon just before Tsung can hit the ground! Akuma turns his back on his now dead opponent as his symbol glows in the night while all of the souls Shang Tsung ever stole leave his now unmorphed body as the announcer goes "KO!" to signify that it's all over!)**

The crowd was in an uproar of cheers for the awesome fight that they just witnessed, not caring about the money they may or may not have lost. Mari pretty much jumps out of her seat before exclaiming "Hot damn! Mama made up for her past loss and then some!"

Asuka on the other hand acted as the more level headed one of the two telling Mari "Don't get too cocky, four eyes."

Aoba just slumped back in his chair, knowing his knowledge of Street Fighter won him this week as we hear him go "The power of the Raging Demon is nothing to be trifled with. I should know, I have hands on experience in having to deal with it."

Not everyone was happy about the results of the battle though, as we see Mana say "Oh poo, my fighter didn't win this time."

However, our video game exclusive character wasn't gonna be upset for long, because soon afterwards comes Shinji to lend some comforting words in the form of "I wouldn't worry about it too much, my dear lady. There's always next week."

 **The fight may be over, but the post fight rundown was only just beginning as we hear Boomstick go "Oh man, that was way too close!"**

 **Wiz replies by saying "No kidding, Boomstick! Akuma's raw power and speed pressed a distinct advantage early on, but Tsung's own cleverness and wide array of skills quickly evened the odds."**

 **Boomstick adds to Wiz's analysis by going "It looked like Akuma had the whole thing wrapped up, but then Tsung's morphing ability saved his ass."**

 **To which Wiz replies "Akuma's pride for battle almost cost him his life, as he stopped to see if this new face was worth a challenge."**

Despite hearing what she was hearing, Maya was still curious about one little detail as we hear her say "I still don't get what the guy in the purple shirt had to do with the fight though."

To which Misato tries to offer up an answer by saying "Probably just some sort of inside joke or something."

 **Boomstick continues the post fight rundown by stating "After switching strategies, Tsung managed to steal enough of Akuma's soul for some extra health and new abilities."**

 **To which Wiz adds "But it wasn't enough. In the end, Akuma's skills as a fighter proved unmatched."**

 **Of course Boomstick chooses to throw salt in Tsung's wounds by going "I mean Shang Tsung loses to Liu Kang all the time, and compared to Akuma, he's the nicest guy in the world. There's no way he could take Akuma's constant punishment."**

Of course being who he was, Hyuga decided to be skeptical about Boomstick's argument and says "I don't know, he was handling himself pretty well for a while until the end."

 **Wiz continued the rundown by adding "As Tsung isn't used to winning on his own, he wasn't perfect in timing the final blow, thus leaving him wide open for the experienced Akuma to unleash his ultimate weapon."**

To which Mari responds by saying "And what a weapon it is."

 **"The Raging Demon of Instant Hell Murder Awesomeness!" Gushed Boomstick.**

 **Wiz started to wrap things up by going "And so Shang Tsung fell once again, releasing all of the souls he's devoured into the world...again."**

 **Boomstick throws in one final joke for the episode by going "Looks like Shang is all "souled" out. Ha ha, get it, Wiz?" (of course Asuka facepalms at the Yang level bad joke)**

 **Wiz just flatly says "The winner is Akuma." before Kensuke pauses the video one last time as Aoba, Asuka, Mari, and Strausberg all claim their original wagers plus an additional 1875 Yen before Shinji gets in front of the screen to make his final remarks.**

"Alright, thank you all for coming out tonight, we hope to see you here again same time, same place next week. And as an added incentive to tantalize you, Kensuke, show 'em who's fighting next."

 **Kensuke unpauses the video for the final time as we hear Boomstick go "Next time on Death Battle." before we cut to a heroic choir in the background of a "Getting suited up montage" for an all too familiar female with a certain skin tight red, white and blue leotard with metal bracelets and a gold tiara armed with a certain golden lasso until we hear another female voice go "Goodnight, sugar." as the episode finally concludes.**

People were already guessing who the opponent of the leotard sporting female that they all knew as we end our episode to start up...

 **The Omake! Tonight's episode: "Queens Out of Place"! Featuring special guest stars Alleyne, Tomoe and Nowa from "Queen's Blade".**

The boys were seen counting the money they had made from the night's battle after everyone had left as Kensuke proclaims "Alright, counting the total from last week's fight, we're actually close to splitting the money for the first time with a grand total of...14,750 Yen."

Leading Toji to go "Sweet, one more episode and we can split the money. And I guess keep the rest in the box as some sort of "emergency fund" or something until we can split the Yen again."

To which Shinji replies by saying "Agreed. Hey, we still got some time before we have to go home for the night, you guys wanna work on our Warper skills a little bit?"

Listening to Shinji's proposition, Kensuke adds his own proposal by going "Or we could call Merch and see if he's got any more cool stuff for sale."

Which the third child responds by saying "Probably not the best time for that now, Kensuke. I kinda don't wanna deal with the whole "covertly stealing a co-worker's urine sample" thing for a little while. Plus if we do it often, they're probably gonna catch on to us."

Toji wasn't sold on that idea either as we hear him add "And I'm gonna have to try and talk my way out of taking any "non-steroid performance enhancing drugs" that the doc gives me for a while after what happened yesterday."

Their assumed solitude was disturbed again when they hear a young feminine voice from within the shadows saying "Alleyne, Tomoe, this place is pretty strange."

Followed by a more mature sounding voice replying "Nowa, please stay close to either me or Miss Tomoe until we have a proper understanding of our situation."

With another equally matured voice adding on by saying "Lady Alleyne is right, Nowa. We must tread with caution in this mysterious castle. Who knows what traps and defensive precautions the builders of this place took during construction."

The boys then see the female voices came from a young Caucasian female human/elf hybrid with light brown hair done in two long pig-tails and light brown eyes wearing only a white and orange top with a very short white mini skirt and a pair of brown boots with white fabric all around them standing in between a taller Caucasian female elf with long blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a revealing outfit consisting of a green brassiere and a small white skirt with a red cape around her neck along with a red beret hat on top of her head and green grieve style boots to her left and a human Asian female with long waist length black hair held above violet eyes by a red headband wearing a traditional martial artist's garb of a red hakama and a white kimono style top carrying a Katana to her right. Despite their sex appeal, Shinji was still annoyed about the sudden appearance of the three as we hear him go "Really? How the hell are people getting in here all the damn time?"

Well, for the sake of convenience, Shinji's phone starts to ring to explain the situation for all of us. You know, for sanity.

"Hello?"

And we cut to reveal who else but Merch calling on the other line from the safety of his ship to explain everything to everyone. (if you need an idea of what his ship looks like, think the GPS Absolution 2.5 from the early part of the Adult Swim Toonami era)

"Hey. Uh, so you may have noticed the two well endowed girls and the other not so much one standing in front of you by now, right?"

Of course hearing this leads a frustrated Shinji to go "What the hell is going on here, Merch? It's not that I don't appreciate the situation, but even we still need to freaking know what's goin' on too."

Kensuke quickly pipes up and asks "Is that Merch?"

Toji on the other hand earned some sour looks from the ladies when he asks "Did he send us these babes as a gift?"

Trying to do damage control, Shinji just replied "I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response." before turning attention back to his phone before saying "Hang on, Merch, I'm putting you on speaker." before tapping the option on his phone so the others can hear the conversation.

"Now can you please tell us why there are three women that don't look like they're from our universe here at our screening room?"

Merch then began to explain the whole situation by going "Alright, so I was kinda doing a solid for a buddy of mine, real frequent customer, kinda the guy who came up with the idea for that "Unmaker" that I sold you boys when we first met. He basically wanted me to ferry some ladies from one of the "Queen's Blade" AUs to some tropical dimensional resort so they could spend two weeks there on vacation."

Which leads Shinji to go "And."

Merch continues by going "And they may have wound up in your universe's timeline by mistake while I was making a delivery to another client. I have other customers besides you boys, and they pay rather handsomely."

Hearing this only made Shinji a tad more frustrated then before as we then hear him go "And what do you want us to do about it? We don't have BlackTabs or anything like that to send 'em back your way, you know."

Merch then gets a bit defensive before replying "I know, I know, I was hoping that you boys could maybe, just maybe put 'em up in a nice hotel for about a week or two until I can come pick 'em up with my ship. You know, hook the girls up with a nice hotel room, probably a place with an indoor heated pool, spa treatments, in-house bar and grill, stuff like that. And don't say that you don't have the money to pull it off because I know that you can pay for it, considering that I just payed you yesterday."

Shinji and the boys had to mull over the situation for a few moments before coming to their final say on the matter as the third child responds "Alright, we'll set the girls up with a hotel room for like, a week or two, but you owe us big time, Merch."

Merch was more than willing to accept the deal he was given as we her him respond "Trust me, I'm be more than willing to pay you back for your involvement. Next time we meet, I'll let you boys pick out some stuff as freebies. But in the meantime, do make sure that those girls have a nice vacation, won't you? Oh, and uh, one more thing that I thought I should bring up: if you boys think you're getting an easy lay from any of these ladies, think again. Yeah, the short one with the pigtails is kinda in a romantic relationship with the blonde elf and the samurai lady, and they're **VERY** protective of her."

Our samurai warrior woman, name of Tomoe confirms Merch's words by replying "He speaks the truth, so don't even think of touching either of us, OR Nowa without our consent or you will fall to my blade."

To which the blonde elf, name of Alleyne adds on to by going "And my spear."

Having blade pointed to his throat, our resident main EVA pilot could only gulp nervously before responding to Merch on the phone.

"Dully noted. Goodbye."

Shinji then hangs up to end the call before addressing the three fantasy world females by saying "Ladies, my friends and I are willing to help you enjoy your vacation while you're here by setting you up with a hotel room to stay in, but there are some things we should probably go over first."

Being protective and inquisitive at the same time, Alleyne was the one to ask "And what, pray tell would those be?"

Shinji began to go over the terms of their stay by stating "First, you might wanna hide your ears since elves don't really "exist" in this world. I think I know a little magic that involves disguising people's true forms, so I think I can help with that."

The shortest of the three, Nowa was a bit offended about what Shinji said as we hear her go "No elves? What kinda place you running here?"

Alleyne had to reel in the feisty young hybrid before responding "Nowa, behave. We were told that different universes and timelines can contain different species then our own, there was bound to be one where elves are either hidden from the knowledge of humanity or they never existed at all." She then turns to the third child before saying "Your request is more than reasonable."

Leading Shinji to go "Right. Second, you guys are gonna need some new clothes before you can really go into town. Not that I hate your choices in fashion, but they really won't fly around here unless you're going to some sort of cosplay convention. We can get you a few outfits to wear for a start, then you guys can go into town and shop for anything you'd like."

Leading Tomoe to reply "That would be acceptable."

Toji quickly steps in and asks "Wait, how are we even gonna pay for all that without drawing attention to ourselves?"

To which Kensuke adds on by going "It's not like we can use the money Merch gave us or anything."

That's when Shinji got an idea in his head before replying "Actually, I think we can. IF we use some reality altering magic on ourselves to make us some quick stories. Then we should be able to spend the money we got from Merch in order to pull it off without anyone being the wiser. I'll handle the cost of the hotel room, Toji can deal with stuff like room service, pay-per-view, and other stuff that hotels normally charge extra for, and Kensuke, you can deal with their general expenses. Clothes, eating out, souvenirs, that kind of stuff."

Toji was still skeptical about the plan though, as we hear him ask "You think we can really pull it off? We haven't really done that kind of stuff with our Warper powers yet except for changing our voices."

Kensuke defends Shinji's idea by stating "We gotta at least try. Anyone finds out how we made that much cash getting that stuff for Merch, and they'll probably catch on to the plan and make it all fall apart."

To which the third child responds by stating "Look, I know the risks we're taking here, but we have to take this as an opportunity to practice. Who knows how many more times shit like this is gonna happen to us now that we're Warpers." He then shifts his attention to the ladies of Queen's Blade before telling them "I'm gonna try and book you guys a decent hotel room for a couple weeks." before turning back to Kensuke and asking "Kensuke, what's the best hotel in town?"

Kensuke then pulls out his phone to look up hotel ratings in Tokyo 3 before he finds what he's looking for and replies "Says here that the best one is the Tokyo 3 Mirage. Wow, 5 stars, indoor heated pool, full spa with sauna, plus penthouse and honeymoon suites. And all for the low low price of...35,000 Yen a night. Bare minimum."

Shinji gives out a sigh before going "It guess it's worth a shot. I'll call 'em and try to disguise my voice using a little magic." He then dials a the hotel's number on his phone while channeling some of the Warper skills he obtained through "Beginner's Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" in order to disguise his voice as we cut to the reception desk of Tokyo 3 Mirage where we see the lobby's clerk pick up on the other line and respond "Tokyo 3 Mirage hotel, how may I help you this evening?"

Shinji then replied in a voice disguised to sound like that of his English voice actor, Spike Spencer by going "Yes, I was tasked to locate a top quality hotel for a wealthy young lady and her two nannies to spend the next two weeks at while their home is being remodeled. Tell me, what variety of rooms do you have available right here and now?" Cue chatter from the other line before Shinji replies "I see, and is that the best you have available right now?" More chatter is heard before Shinji responds to it by going "Hmmmmmmmmmm, I see. And does that include a nice view of the city with limited to no obstruction?" And then chatter again until the third child replies "Oh, I think that will do quite nicely. Now, about the cost." The chatter just won't end until Shinji responds "75,000 Yen a night and 1,050,000 Yen for two weeks stay outside of extra services?" It's just more and more chatter until Shinji replies "No no, that will be just fine." The clerk chatters on the other line again before Shinji replies "My clients shall be there sometime early tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. Okay, this is the last bit of chatter from the clerk guy, I swear as Shinji replies "Very well, goodbye." before hanging up and having his voice change back to normal.

He then turns to the fantasy women before stating "Alright, the hotel room has been booked for you and payment has been all set up, but if you three are gonna do any "loving" with one another during your stay, please make sure that no one catches you in the act so the alibi I made for you guys doesn't go out the window."

Nowa piped up with mild disgruntlement by saying "I guess we can downsize the amounts we have our special alone time together while we're here, but I won't like it."

The third child then turns to his glasses wearing friend before asking "Kensuke, can you grab these guys some clothes so they can enter the hotel tomorrow afternoon like I said they would?" He then turns back to the girls before saying "But in the meantime, I guess you guys could crash where we normally hang out if you want. It's nothing too special, just an old military camp site we found and hang out at during the weekends. Will that be a problem for any of you?"

Alleyne answers for the group by responding "That will suffice just fine for tonight. And I must add that your vocal manipulation was a solid 94 out of 100 points."

Hearing this makes our vengeful EVA pilot man on a mission reply "I'll take that as a complement. Now, I'm gonna try to disguise you guys so no one here will know that some of you are elves. Keep in mind that this is my first time really trying this on other people, so please bare with me." He then grabs the group's copy of "Beginner's Reality Altering Magic for Dummies" from behind the betting booth and flips through the pages until he finds what he's looking for: _**"How to change a person's physical appearance in the eyes of others".**_ Raising his right hand out towards the direction of the three females, Shinji focuses on making Alleyne and Nowa look human in the eyes of others as a glowing violet flaming aura emanates from his hand for a few seconds before fading. Shinji then lowers his hand before saying "Well, I've done all I can. You guys might wanna take a look in the mirror to see if it actually worked."

Nowa then pulls out a pocket mirror out of the bag she was carrying to see that her physical form hadn't changed much except for the one thing that mattered in this current situation: her ears were successfully disguised to look human. She then handed the mirror to Alleyne as she saw that her ears no longer poked out her blonde hair, taking the form of a human's ears. Nowa then quickly confirmed the transformation by sporting a big smile on her face as she went "Yup, it worked."

Alleyne mused while she was inspecting the disguise "Yes, a 100 point success."

However, when Tomoe looked into the mirror, she saw that her appearance hadn't changed at all in the reflection. Which leads her to ask "Why do I still look the same in the reflection compared to the others?"

Shinji almost instantly replied "Well we don't really need to worry about how you look since you're already human. You should fit in just fine with a simple outfit change. Now, I think there's one last thing I we should talk about though."

To which Tomoe asked "And that would be?"

And Shinji replied "You guys probably shouldn't carry around your weapons in public, it'll most likely draw a lot of unwanted attention to yourselves."

Alleyne responds to this demand by simply going "That will be acceptable."

Having run down everything he felt he needed to, Shinji just says "Great. Now, we'll get you guys to the camp site before Kensuke goes to get the outfits you'll wear when you go to the hotel. Everyone ready?"

With a smile on her face, Tomoe replies "Very well, lead the way."

 **(End Omake)**

 **(Author's Note #2: HOLY MULAN MCNUGGET SAUCE, MORTY! This chapter was is almost 11,000 words long without the author's notes, that has to be the highest number of words that I've ever put in a chapter on this site! Okay, so main reason why this chapter took as long as it did to get out is kinda the result of 2 major things. 1: I'm gonna try to not only port my stuff from this site to Deviantart, but I've also started a Deviantart exclusive series titled "Shinji Ikari Does RebelTaxi", for those of you who want a good Pan Pizza parody. 2: If you've been keeping up with me here, then you'll know about my latest series "Evangelion: You Shall (not) Win This Time", in which I officially become a level 10 Warper, as set by the guidelines set by Yoshi3000, the guy who came up with the concept and lets me use it with his approval. I will try to make updates to this version along with the Deviantart version more frequent, but I can't promise anything. Anyways, there you have it, episode 2 of NERV Bets On Death Battle. Hope you enjoyed it, considering how long it took me to make this particular version compared to the one on Deviantart, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that RICK WANTS HIS MULAN SZECHUAN TERIYAKI MCNUGGET DIPPING SAUCE, MORTY! IT'S HIS ONE ARMED MAN, MORTY! IF IT TAKES 9 MORE SEASONS, HE'S GONNA GET HIS MCNUGGET SAUCE, MORTY! Sorry had to get that joke out of the way, but still, enjoy, favorite and follow, and as always, DSX62415, out.)**


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